


Faultlines

by Chibiobiwan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Camping, Conversations in the Rain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hypothermia, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Mace is a good friend, Mission Fic, Mutual Pining, Near Drowning, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon co-parenting Anakin, soft romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibiobiwan/pseuds/Chibiobiwan
Summary: Qui-Gon knew what he did and what it cost him that day in the Council chamber. He couldn’t be trusted with Obi-Wan’s heart and so he did the only thing he could—let him go.  A year later, an unexpected mission brings them together once again.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 48
Kudos: 201
Collections: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan Discord Server Secret Santa (2020)





	1. Pride and Procrastination

**Author's Note:**

  * For [treescape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/treescape/gifts).



> Prompt for Secret Santa fic for Treescape: Qui-Gon doesn't know what Obi-Wan would see in him. Obi-Wan sees everything, the good and the bad.
> 
> Thank you to LadyDisdayne who is the most patient and encouraging beta-reader I have the joy of knowing. This story will be in three parts because I don't know how to stop myself. And thank you for the wonderful prompt and inspiring this story Treescape! <3

Qui-Gon knew what he did, and what it cost him that day in the Council chamber. 

Anakin’s blade crashed against his own, the strike powerful for a young boy, but wobbly and easily deflected. Qui-Gon mildly corrected Anakin’s stance before ordering him to try again. The boy had yet to catch up with his peers but carried more determination and stubbornness in his heart than the rest put together.

The next strike hit just as hard as the first but slid off Qui-Gon’s blade smoothly. “Good, again.”

Anakin grinned broadly despite the sweat shining on his brow, expressive in a way rarely seen in a Jedi. Obi-Wan had always been so serious during training only to catch Qui-Gon off guard with a sly comment and smiling eyes.

The shudder of Anakin’s lightsaber against his own quaked down his arm, only decades of experience stopping from veering dangerously off course. Mentally rebuking himself, Qui-Gon steadied himself. Just because Anakin was young didn’t make training with lightsabers any less dangerous, even at their lowest power.

Anakin moved back into position, lacking the experience to see his Master’s faults. Qui-Gon smiled and wondered how long it would take the young boy to realize. Obi-Wan had always known Qui-Gon’s failings from their very first meeting. Qui-Gon had been a fool then, fighting the will of the Force and ignoring the light before him in favor of the shadows that trailed behind him. 

Obi-Wan had deserved better, but then he always did.

“Good, again, but now I want you to parry low to your left.” Qui-Gon directed, waiting for Anakin to strike and follow through as directed. Qui-Gon carefully weakened his own strike to only press Anakin’s limits and not overwhelm him. Anakin managed to parry it, his footwork noticeably better day by day. He was a great student, but it would be years before he would be a challenge to Qui-Gon, even with the lingering aftereffects of his wounds from Naboo.

Qui-Gon wondered what it would be like to duel with Obi-Wan. He had seen him practicing Soresu on the temple’s training grounds, the dimming sun making his hair glow copper under its light. He hadn’t approached, all too aware why Obi-Wan would wish to change forms after encountering the weakness of Ataru against an opponent equal to or stronger than the two of them together. It was a miracle of the Force that the both of them, let alone Qui-Gon, survived the battle with the Sith. It only proved what Qui-Gon had already known for years now, that Obi-Wan had grown beyond what Qui-Gon could teach him.

They moved through the moves of Shii-Cho one by one, Qui-Gon correcting Anakin’s movements when needed until he sensed Anakin’s seemingly boundless energy dwindling.

“I think that’s enough for today.”

“Let’s keep going! I’m not tired yet!” Anakin countered, holding his lightsaber to begin again.

Qui-Gon shook his head with a smile, “We have trained enough today and I believe you have readings to do for your galactic history course.”

Anakin’s nose scrunched in distaste, “Aw, but can’t we just…”

Anakin trailed off, distracted by the soft murmurs of a group of senior Padawan entering the training salles. Both his and Qui-Gon’s attention’s caught by the soft murmur of Kenobi.

“Is Obi-Wan back?” Anakin asked aloud, the question barely directed at Qui-Gon before a wide grin split Anakin’s face. “He’s back!” 

Anakin’s ability to reach out to the Force always managed to impress Qui-Gon, even as he too listened to the Force he could barely feel Obi-Wan through the thousands of Jedi in the temple, each one brighter than the next. It hadn’t always been that way. Once, the bond they shared had been like a string between them, sometimes it had shivered with amusement or strum with worry. Obi-Wan and he had never spoken of it, but it had saved them both more times than Qui-Gon could count until Naboo when it was the only thing that stopped Qui-Gon from joining the Force. Qui-Gon could still remember the warm thread of it through his fingers when the ceremonial blade cut through the braid and severed the strand between them.

Anakin’s hand grabbed onto his wrist, Qui-Gon’s fist unconsciously clenched with the phantom anguish of the memory.

“Come on, let’s go! Obi-Wan promised to get me a sweet from Aku!”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean the moment he got back, Anakin. He will be tired and will need to complete his report.” But even as Qui-Gon spoke he stowed his lightsaber back on his belt and allowed Anakin to pull him towards the hall. He wanted to see for himself that Obi-Wan was alright. 

Once Anakin was sure that Qui-Gon was following, the curious and amused glances of Jedi passing them made him let go of Qui-Gon’s wrist and straighten his back with his head held high as he walked. For all the difficulties and degradation Anakin had been born to, a seed of pride had been cultivated in his heart. In some ways it was helpful, Anakin hated being behind his peers and worked tirelessly to catch up even in subjects he disliked, but Qui-Gon knew that if he did not help Anakin curb it, soon it could cost his Padawan much in the future.

Still, Qui-Gon was not afraid of the challenge like he once would have been. Obi-Wan had shown him that even injured pride could be cultivated into confidence and dignity. Obi-Wan had taught him so many things, and Qui-Gon had repaid him with renunciation. Qui-Gon faltered, unnoticed by Anakin whose gaze was eagerly looking ahead. If only he had known what the Force would ask of him, he could have at least warned— 

Obi-Wan looked worn around the edges but satisfied in a way that loosened the tension building in Qui-Gon’s shoulders. He had more than a few days between shaves, and the warm auburn beginnings of a beard made his eyes shine almost green under the stained-glass light streaming into the temple hall.

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin called out, unable to contain his excitement as he ran ahead.

“It’s good to see you too, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said with a laugh as he first tried to greet Anakin with a short bow, only to return the young boy’s embrace with one arm.

“What did you bring me?” Anakin ignored all decorum and showed his true intention of riffling through Obi-Wan’s inner cloak pockets even as Obi-Wan looked up to meet Qui-Gon’s eyes.

Well aware he had no right to ask Obi-Wan for anything, even his time, Qui-Gon gave a low nod, never quite looking away as Obi-Wan studied him in return.

“What’s this?” 

Obi-Wan had to look away to see what Anakin was asking about.

“It’s an Akuian puzzle stone, and not for you.” Obi-wan easily slipped the small grey stone out of Anakin’s hands and back into his cloak.

“How is a rock a puzzle?” Anakin asked bemusedly, his fingers already moving back to Obi-Wan’s cloak.

“Anakin, don’t trouble Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon finally forced himself to speak.

Obi-Wan's eyes returned to him, his smile dimming slightly, “It’s alright, Master—Qui-Gon.” The split-second change in address was only noticeable to the two of them. “I promised him I would bring him back this.”

From within his cloak, Obi-Wan retrieved a small, clear bag of shimmering pink and purple balls, no doubt the treat that Anakin had been searching for. 

“Yes!” Anakin shouted happily, reaching up for them only for Obi-Wan to hold them out of reach. “What are they?”

“Kacao balls, but—” Obi-Wan easily kept the bag away from Anakin’s second attempt. “You should share them with your Master.” Obi-Wan maneuvered around Anakin and walked to Qui-Gon’s side.

“Aw seriously? Does he even like sweets?!”

“Kacao is too rich to eat so much by yourself,” Obi-Wan said with a slight smile as he took Qui-Gon’s hand and held the bag until Qui-Gon took hold of it. His heartfelt as warm as his hand under Obi-Wan’s touch.

“I will make sure he doesn’t eat too much at once,” Qui-Gon reassured as the soft touch of Obi-Wan’s fingers slipped away.

“I know you will.” Obi-Wan wrapped his hands in the sleeves of his cloak and for a moment too long held each other’s gaze.

Anakin sighed heavily, “Master Qui-Gon, can I at least have one?!”

“Yes, of course, Anakin.” Qui-Gon opened the bag and retrieved one of the purple balls to hand to the young boy who immediately popped it into his mouth and groaned happily as he chewed the sweet.

“I should take my leave. The council is expecting me.” Obi-Wan said, taking a step back with polite reluctance in his voice.

“So soon after your arrival in the temple?” Qui-Gon asked, wondering not for the first time if the council was taking advantage of Obi-Wan’s work ethic and overworking his former padawan.

Obi-Wan nodded cordially, “Unfortunately they were waiting on my arrival.”

Qui-Gon bowed his head, “I see. I’m sorry that we hampered you.”

“It’s alright,” Obi-Wan said quickly, pausing for another breath before a look of chagrin shadowed his face. “It was good to see you. I hope you enjoy the Kacao.” Obi-Wan bowed his head and turned away in one motion.

“I will!” Anakin shouted to Obi-Wan’s cloaked back, voice grumbled from the last bit of Kacao ball.

Qui-Gon held the small bag of treats like it was a priceless artifact as he watched Obi-Wan disappear down the hall. Despite all that laid between them, Obi-Wan had grown close to Anakin while Qui-Gon had been healing, and though it was selfish, Qui-Gon cherished the moments that Obi-Wan sparred to meet with his new Padawan. 

“Can I have another one?” Anakin held out a hand having finished his first.

Qui-Gon let out an amused laugh despite his maudlin thoughts. “After doing your readings.”

“But it was a present from Obi-Wan!”

“All the more reason to savor it,” Qui-Gon replied as he led them back to their rooms.

After Anakin finished his reading and received his highly anticipated reward, Qui-Gon gave him permission to go to the commissary for dinner. No doubt he would use the time to wander the Temple grounds more than eat, but Qui-Gon hoped that he might also run into a few of his peers. Anakin had yet to make any friends his age, a difficulty perhaps inspired by obtaining the coveted position of padawan so young and without the anxious wait that other initiates had to go through. Still, Qui-Gon believed if they gave the boy a chance they would see the heart of kyber he had at his core.

Qui-Gon stared at the bag of kacao still in his hands. No doubt they would be gone come morning no matter where he placed them, Anakin’s newly awoken sweet tooth was as voracious as a starving rancor. It would be a shame to not even try one, the dark and smooth truffle a rare treat that Qui-Gon hadn’t had in years. Qui-Gon froze with the bag half opened before twisting it shut and leaving it on Anakin’s sleeping pallet. Within Anakin’s short life, the boy had been given much less to enjoy than he deserved and Qui-Gon far more.

He returned to the central room to order food from the console, but every item looked less appetizing than the last. Even the thought of roasted Kajaka Root twisted his stomach as he remembered the last time he had eaten it. Qui-Gon closed out of the menu, but hovered at the console, his hand wavering before opening a new window and typing out a short message, and hit send before he could reconsider.

If Mace didn’t have time, then Qui-Gon would try taking a walk in the Room of a Thousand Fountains to calm his mind. Or perhaps, he would do so now while he waited for a reply. It took a moment to search for his comm, their living quarters littered with mechanic odds and ends that Anakin couldn’t help but collect like a pylat bird on Neimoidia. It was a stark contrast to the neat space that Obi-Wan had maintained as a Padawan. Sometimes Qui-Gon could barely believe they were the same rooms at all, like something irreplaceable had been taken away.

Qui-Gon finally found his comm and left, only relaxing when he reached the garden and the soft murmur of the fountains. No matter how many years past, or how the plants grew and died, Qui-Gon could always find peace in this place. It was one of the last places on Coruscant he still could.

While he walked, Qui-Gon peered through the gardens, never quite focusing on any particular sight. He passed a few others, also taking in the quiet tranquility of the gardens before he felt his comm buzz with a message. Qui-Gon checked it to find a positive response from Mace. 

Qui-Gon picked up his pace. He could take a detour through the gardens and arrive at Mace’s rooms with time to spare, but Mace would not mind if he arrived early. It would give them more time to talk after all. 

Qui-Gon rounded the top of a slope when he saw him. Luckily, Obi-Wan was looking the other way so for a moment Qui-Gon could let his eyes linger. Obi-Wan had cleaned up, his tunics freshly pressed and hair trimmed neatly. He still sat perfectly straight even now with the rank of Knighthood and no one watching. Qui-Gon doubted the kneeling position would be comfortable for long, but he had always preferred sitting legs crossed himself.

Obi-Wan looked his way before Qui-Gon could so much as twitch. Embarrassed at being caught in the act, Qui-Gon nodded before turning away instead of approaching. Obi-Wan had every right to enjoy the peace of the garden as well after all. Thankfully, the path split ahead and Qui-Gon took the path away from Obi-Wan although it would take him longer to reach Mace’s rooms. It was fine, Mace wouldn’t mind if he was late.

“You’re late,” Mace said with irritation as the door swished open.

“I decided to take a walk through the gardens on my way,” Qui-Gon answered smoothly as he moved into the room despite Mace still standing in the doorway.

Mace rolled his eyes, “You act like it was me who asked to meet for dinner last minute.”

Qui-Gon didn’t quite hide his smile at Mace’s irritation. “I didn’t have any other plans, and you obviously didn’t either.”

Mace scoffed, “With your manners, it’s utterly beyond me that you managed to teach the best newly Knighted negotiator we have had in years.

Qui-Gon sat down, careful not to show his sudden interest. “He is doing well then?”

“You should know he is.” Mace sat down opposite of Qui-Gon, folding his arms judgmentally.

“Obi-Wan is his own master now, and I have a Padawan to train.” Qui-Gon needlessly reminded.

“Ah yes,” Mace leaned forward, resting his elbows against his knees. “Your new padawan. How is that going by the way?”

“He’s doing better than expected as you well know, although I’m not sure the Temple is the best place for him.”

“He’s too young to go on missions, Qui-Gon,” Mace said, standing up to let in the service droid carrying their meals.

“I’m aware,” Qui-Gon said dryly, “but I maintain that he would adapt better if not in the field than in a world like Lothal which is strong in the living Force.

“How is he meant to adjust to becoming a Jedi if he is always away?” 

“Not all Jedi used to be trained on Coruscant.” Qui-Gon brought up the old argument, “And Obi-Wan and I were gone more often than not during his training.”

The service droid put down the covered plates and left almost entirely ignored by the two.

“Maybe that is why Obi-Wan has yet to take any leave, despite being on the mission roster for over a year.” Mace dropped to his seat and clanked the plates as he uncovered them.

Qui-Gon shifted uneasily, since Obi-Wan’s knighting he and Anakin had run into Obi-Wan only a half dozen times. He had thought that Obi-Wan had only been avoiding him, but he should have known better. For all of Obi-Wan’s merits, he never knew when to stop pushing himself.

“Is he alright?”

“Each mission he is sent on, Obi-Wan returns more exhausted than the next. He’s going to wear himself out at this rate.”

“The council isn’t allowing him to rest?” Qui-Gon asked, even if he had a feeling he knew the real answer. 

“Obi-Wan’s mission docket is up to him. He’s at the Temple for one, maybe two days before he leaves again. You can’t tell me that is normal.”

“Surely the Council can reassign him to teach in the Temple?” Like they had done to Qui-Gon, keeping him on a short leash after Naboo.

“You know as well as I do that if we do that it will cast doubt on Obi-Wan’s Knighthood and independence. If you are so concerned then why don’t you speak to him yourself?”

“It’s no longer my place.”

“You may not be his Master, Qui-Gon, but I imagine he’d still listen to you.”

Qui-Gon shook his head, looking at his half-eaten meal.

“Why not?” Mace asked, exasperated.

“Why would he, Mace?” Qui-Gon tiredly looked up, “I gave up that privilege that day in the Council chamber.”

“For kriff’s sake, Qui-Gon, it’s been months, hasn’t he forgiven you?”

"No, he shouldn't have to." Qui-Gon hadn't even asked that day on Naboo, too aware of the hurt he had caused and aware that if he had to do it again he would have made the same choice. 

"It's a Jedi’s duty to forgive." 

“I didn't ask Mace.”

Mace stared at him blankly, before letting out a groan and rubbing his forehead. "You would have him travel the galaxy with darkness in his heart? You more than anyone should know what a seed of anger can grow into."

Qui-Gon flinched, the rebuke striking deep. He had already done enough damage, but Mace was wrong.

“You underestimate him.” 

Mace raised an eyebrow as he sipped from his glass.

Qui-Gon put down his utensil and pushed away his plate, “Obi-Wan is a good man in a way I have never been. I have no doubt that if I apologized, he would forgive me.”

“What exactly is the problem then?”

Qui-Gon smiled, his eyes sad, “I think we all know that I don’t deserve forgiveness that after what I did.”

“You’ve got to be karffing me. You’re being a selfish bastard, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan doesn’t deserve to have what happened to remain unresolved.”

Qui-Gon let out an empty laugh, “I’m well aware.” 

He had chosen to follow the Force and knowingly hurt his Padawan, but he loved Obi-Wan enough to know that it’d be much worse to try and keep him in his life. He had proven once again that he couldn’t be trusted with Obi-Wan’s heart. 

“It’s not fair to ask him to forgive me. He would feel it was his duty to do so and the wound I caused would only scar over.”

“You think it’s not festering even now?” 

Qui-Gon set down his spork, “He is stronger than you know. Not even I can plant a seed of darkness in his heart.”

“Perhaps.” Mace conceded, rubbing the metal of his cup. “But you may weaken it all the same.”

Qui-Gon shot to his feet, unable to sit still any longer.

“Qui-Gon,” Mace stood up as well, his expression pinched.

“You're not wrong,” Qui-Gon forced the words out. “He deserves better, from me most of all, but I won’t ask him to forgive me when I won’t forgive myself. I will— I will try to talk to him.”

Mace followed Qui-Gon to the door with a sigh, “It does neither of you any good to hold on to this hurt, but I hope you will be able to do what I cannot.”

They said their goodbyes and Qui-Gon retreated back to his quarters where Anakin was already back and tinkering with new parts he had found. More unsettled than when he had left Qui-Gon still smiled and tried his best to listen to Anakin’s chatter before finally the two of them settled down for evening meditation and bed. When Qui-Gon laid down, however, the curtain of sleep failed to fall, and he spent the night with thoughts racing through murky waters, dragged down by worries and unrealized fears.

___________

The next day was busy as always. Anakin was reluctant to wake, but almost bouncing on his toes come time for their morning meal, and then it was off to their respective classes. Qui-Gon had taken on teaching responsibilities while Anakin attended basic Initiate classes that he needed before he could join the other Padawans.

The Junor Padawan class in Ataru went well, the young Jedi exhausting themselves by the end of the lesson before being replaced by their seniors who managed to last longer by utilizing their connection to the Force. Qui-Gon immersed himself in the lesson, managing to mostly ignore his own thoughts and memories of once training Obi-Wan in the same style. Anakin was still too young to even begin learning it, let alone challenge Qui-Gon the way Obi-Wan had.

One of the Padawans made a mistake midway through the air and in a split second between falling to the ground and landing on their neck, Qui-Gon reached out through the Force and nudged them into a roll. The class stopped for a moment, stunned before Qui-Gon instructed them to return to their exercises and went to the girl’s side.

Her pride was bruised more than anything and after reminding her to have patience with her own growth and to not overextend herself too early, Qui-Gon sensed someone watching them. Not overly concerned, Qui-Gon told her to return to her exercises and turned just in time to see Obi-Wan walk away and disappear around the corner.

For a moment, Qui-Gon considered dismissing the class and running after him, but another student took a spin too quickly and Qui-Gon pushed the thought away to focus on the class. It would do no good to approach Obi-Wan hastily. He would send a message requesting to eat noon meal with his former Padawan. A common enough practice that even Qui-Gon had done so when Dooku requested it.

Qui-Gon did not do so. By the time he finished answering the questions of a few Padawans that had stayed behind, it was well into the meal hour that Obi-Wan preferred. He might be able to spring a late meal on Mace, but he couldn’t expect Obi-Wan to agree to a meeting at such late notice. Or even worse, have him agree out of obligation.

Not overly hungry, Qui-Gon decided to walk the Temple courtyards instead, wishing not for the first time that the Council would allow him to take Anakin off planet where the Living Force would be clearer. The billions of lifeforms on Coruscant swirled and buzzed, folded upon itself so many times that it was almost impossible to know the will of the Force. Maybe Qui-Gon had been wrong, maybe he had misunderstood the urgency that crept under his skin before being smothered under the Coruscant sky. But no, he knew that Anakin needed to be trained, that the boy’s light was imperative for the fate of the galaxy. There was always darkness, a necessary evil that pulled at the hearts of the living and tempted them towards destruction and decay, but over the years it had been getting stronger.

Qui-Gon didn’t know where it was coming from, only that after years of missions with Obi-Wan that it had been revealed. The Sith had managed to survive centuries unnoticed, likely corrupting and pushing the galaxy into a cycle of decay that would be difficult to break. It was difficult to imagine that Anakin could make a difference and stop the cycle before it was too late, but Qui-Gon was certain that he somehow would. Perhaps it would be by the smallest choice that would ripple through the galaxy until the balance was restored.

Qui-Gon stopped in the shadow of a pillar and paused to lean against it, closing his eyes in an attempt to organize his thoughts. No matter how much he meditated on it, he knew that at that moment in the Council Chamber, he had been dealt an impossible choice between doing what was right and hurting Obi-Wan or standing back and letting the Council send a boy, a former slave, away to ride the waves of the Republic’s social care with no one to guide him. The Force may have been unclear, but Qui-Gon knew in his heart that it was wrong. 

So he had done it. He had undermined Obi-Wan in front of the council, knowing that his Padawan would understand, despite Qui-Gon tearing open an old wound that had only healed after years of care.

Qui-Gon shivered and opened his eyes to see the man who threaded through his thoughts watching him in return. Qui-Gon knew he should speak, say something, anything but stare dumbly at his former Padawan. A hint of red touched Obi-Wan’s cheeks before he suddenly turned away and retreated.

Qui-Gon’s feet were glued to the pavers beneath him, Obi-Wan’s name stuck in his throat. He should call Obi-Wan back, talk to him, find out for himself if Obi-Wan was pushing himself too far— 

By the time Qui-Gon moved, Obi-Wan was long gone and Qui-Gon had to rush to his next class, this one a lecture on Negotiation in Warzones. He would try again that evening. At least he would check where Obi-Wan’s quarters had been assigned.

Despite his best intentions, Qui-Gon let time slip away, finding distractions right and left, be it running into old friends or checking on Anakin. In the end, Qui-Gon waited for Anakin to go to sleep before wandering the Temple Halls until he found a corridor that new Knights were often quartered in between missions. 

Qui-Gon clasped his hands behind his back, steeling himself before taking a step down the hall, and then another. It was only a few doors down, Obi-Wan’s name clear on the temporary tag. Only, instead of stopping like he knew he should, Qui-Gon kept walking until it was just out of sight. He stopped with a heavy sigh, turning halfway to glance back at the closed door. He was being a coward, something he had not thought of himself in years.

Nodding to himself, he moved back down the hall. He would press the entry panel and wait for Obi-Wan to answer, and then he would ask Obi-Wan if he would mind talking, and then… 

Qui-Gon stopped in front of Obi-Wan’s door only to freeze. It was already late, and getting later by the moment. Of course, Obi-Wan wouldn’t want to talk so late. If he approached now, then Obi-Wan would likely feel duty-bound to agree, but would rightfully take anything Qui-Gon said with justified incredulity.

Feeling ridiculous, Qui-Gon rubbed the back of his neck and shuffled back down the corridor. He would send Obi-Wan a message when he got back to his quarters. It wasn’t fair of him to spring a conversation on Obi-Wan anyway.

On the way back, Qui-Gon took a detour through the gardens, trying to ground himself before finally returning to his and Anakin’s rooms much later than planned. Wary of waking Anakin, he moved quietly to the console to compose the message to Obi-Wan only to stare at the screen blankly. He didn’t know what to say. 

The whole thing was absurd. Qui-Gon had written thousands of messages in his life, some of which had carried life and limb on the line. But none of them felt important now.

Qui-Gon turned off the console. It was late, and he would think more clearly in the morning.

But morning came with Anakin’s excited chattering over and then breakfast and shared meditation. By the time Qui-Gon sat down with Anakin in the commissary for noon meal he still had sent no message.

“I thought you were going to talk to him.” Mace sat down at their table, interrupting Anakin’s diatribe on aquatic broccoli.

“I am.” Qui-Gon took another bite ignoring the glare Mace was making no attempt to hide.

“You do realize that by tomorrow he will already be reassigned?”

Qui-Gon’s utensil paused midair before returning to his plate. “He only just got back.”

Mace rolled his eyes, “The Assignment Council sees hundreds of more requests than there are active Jedi everyday Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon grimaced, “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Are you talking about Obi-Wan?” Anakin piped up at his side.

Mace raised an eyebrow at Qui-Gon before answering for him, “Yes.”

“Oh, I talked to him yesterday!”

Startled, Qui-Gon stared at his Padawan.

“Ha, well at least one of you did,” Mace said dryly.

“What did you talk to him about?”

“Um, a bunch of stuff, he wanted to know what I was studying.” Anakin’s face scrunched up in distaste.

Qui-Gon sighed, “I will talk to him.”

“See that you do,” Mace said as he stood up and took his leave.

“Why do you want to talk to Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked. His portion of vegetables long since decimated and pushed to the farthest corner of his plate.

“Why wouldn’t I want to talk to Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon returned the question with one of his own.

“I don’t know,” Anakin studied his plate and even tried a nibble of the unrecognizable aquatic broccoli. “You don’t seem to like him much though.”

It felt like a punch to the gut and it took Qui-Gon a moment to breathe out an answer, “I do.” Qui-Gon grabbed his plate and stood. “But that doesn’t mean he does.”

Anakin scrambled after Qui-Gon, snatching up his own plate and following close behind. “You guys are so weird.”

Qui-Gon gave a half-hearted laugh, disposing of his plate and letting Anakin catchup. “I suppose we are.”

Despite Qui-Gon’s promise, he did not send Obi-Wan a message requesting to meet until just before evening meal. The console screen glowed green as he waited for a response until Anakin pulled him away with a question about his project on [Andorian] mining.

As a treat for finishing, Qui-Gon let Anakin order the meal in. They were waiting for it to arrive when Qui-Gon felt a message ping through on his comm. Itching to check it immediately, Qui-Gon instead waited until after their meal to reveal Obi-Wan’s response.

“Can I work in my room?” Anakin asked after eating, no doubt wanting to piece together or take apart some of the mechanical parts he had collected.

“If you’d like. I’ll come to check on you when it's time for evening meditation.”

“Yeah okay.”

As Anakin left, Qui-Gon finally went to the console to read his messages.

The answer wasn’t as bad as he had worried, but not as good as he had hoped. Obi-Wan wasn’t available that evening but offered to meet with Qui-Gon in the morning. Disappointed and relieved in equal measure, Qui-Gon sent his agreement and sat down to ostensibly read new reports from the outer rim while inwardly planning what he would say to Obi-Wan. Somehow, he had to make sure Obi-Wan would be alright.

That night, sleep again eluded Qui-Gon and in the morning he greeted a mostly awake Anakin with tea brewed for too long. It would have been amusing to see Anakin try to hide his face of disgust if a dozen thoughts hadn’t been weighing on his mind. He couldn’t think of why Obi-Wan would listen to him, or of a way to convince the knight to not push himself so hard. It had been difficult enough when Obi-Wan had been his Padawan, and now, and now not only was he no longer Obi-Wan’s master, but one who had pushed him away.

An alert came through on the console at the same time as it buzzed through on his comm before they left for morning meal. 

“One moment Anakin.” Qui-Gon stopped on the way out and checked the console to find a message from the Council requesting his and Anakin’s presence in less than an hour. Swearing under his breath, Qui-Gon considered ignoring the message. Despite Mace insisting he talk to Obi-Wan, the Council had managed to block out the exact time he was meant to meet with Obi-Wan.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Qui-Gon closed the message. Hand hovering over the screen as he decided whether to message Obi-Wan when a second message appeared.

Qui-Gon clicked on it immediately, only to let his shoulders slump a second later. Obi-Wan wouldn’t be able to make it to their meeting after all. Qui-Gon wondered if he had decided against it at the last moment or whether it was something else. He had made his apologies, but there was no attempt to reschedule. Qui-Gon really couldn’t expect any better. 

Turning away from the console, Qui-Gon gave a tight smile to Anakin before telling him they’d have to eat quickly since they would be meeting with the Council shortly. Intimidated, but excited, Anakin bounced down the halls and gobbled down their morning meal before visibly restraining himself and taking on a serious air. Qui-Gon gave Anakin a soft smile and ruffled his hair, much to Anakin’s annoyance, as they walked to the Council chambers. He didn’t know what they could want, but Qui-Gon was prepared to go into detail exactly how well Anakin had been doing in his studies if necessary.

Feeling puffed up and ready to debate the Council, Qui-Gon felt the air go out of him when he saw Obi-Wan waiting to go up to the Council chamber as well.

“Master Qui-Gon.” Obi-Wan tilted his head, more in confusion than greeting.

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon responded equally surprised.

“Hey!” Anakin grinned and darted to Obi-Wan’s side, “Are you going to see the Council too?”

“I am.” Obi-Wan trailed off, looking at Qui-Gon questioningly, but Qui-Gon opened his hands in bemusement, inwardly wondering what in the Force Mace was doing.

“The Council is ready for you.” The [Council clerk] said, gesturing them to the turbo lift.

The three of them entered silently. Between them, Anakin bit his lip nervously while Qui-Gon looked forward blankly, preparing himself to deal with whatever the Council had in store and Obi-Wan curled his arms around himself in the guise of solemn respect.

The lift came to an almost unnoticeable stop and opened to reveal not quite the entire council. While there was almost always the majority of the Council on Coruscant, there was usually one or two members away in the field, taking time to commune with the Force away from the smog that encircled their Temple.

Qui-Gon took the first step forward as was customary to his seniority and greeted the Council.

“Thank you for meeting with us, Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi, and Padawan Skywalker,” Mace said formally, officially beginning the meeting. “We have called you here today to discuss Knight Kenobi’s request to investigate the planet Piel for the secret laboratory of Rhysico Minne.

It was barely noticeable, maybe a shift in the air, but on the other side of Anakin, Obi-Wan suddenly went stiff, his muscles tense but carefully unmoving. With a sinking feeling, Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan suspected the Council of doing exactly what Mace had warned against—interfering in Obi-Wan’s autonomy and casting doubt on his judgment.

“I am not familiar with this case.” Qui-Gon stared down at Mace, who didn’t even have the decency to look away with shame.

“Yes, we are aware.” Mace waved a hand, brushing away Qui-Gon’s protest without a hint of regret. “However, we think this may be a good opportunity to grant your request.”

What the Kriff was Mace thinking?! Qui-Gon barely stopped himself from reacting as Obi-Wan’s attention fell on him. If Mace wished to cement the estrangement between them he was certainly doing a good job. 

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Qui-Gon gave up any pretense of neutrality and folded his arms with a glare.

“Requested you have to be assigned a mission.” Master Yoda said.

They were going to undermine Obi-Wan and lay the blame at his feet. Qui-Gon opened his mouth to protest when Ki Adi Mundi spoke up, “You know that despite Padawan Skywalker’s remarkable progress he is still very young for a Padawan. There is always a risk when any Jedi leaves the temple, but we must take special care of those still untrained and inexperienced.”

Qui-Gon let out an audible sigh, these were all arguments he had heard before and hadn’t expected to need to counter, but he would do so again if that was what they wished.  
“I am aware, but I think I have proven more than able to protect—”

“You have proven to get into trouble wherever you go, Master Jinn.” Ki Adi Mundi interrupted.

Before Qui-Gon could say exactly what he thought of that, Mace spoke up, “We do not wish to place Anakin in any undue risk, but we understand that there is a great benefit to learning in the field. As such we wish to give you a mission that will be relatively innocuous, so young Skywalker can get his toes wet, so to speak.”

This would have been great news if not for the machinations of the Council that came with it.  
“And you believe that a hunt for a secret Laboratory is the puddle to do so?” Qui-Gon cut straight to the chase, his voice ice cold.

Mace raised his brows and met Qui-Gon’s frustration head-on, “Perhaps.” He turned his attention to Obi-Wan. “Knight Kenobi, we have read your mission report and update that you sent last night. What is your recommendation?”

Qui-Gon’s weight settled back on his heels, unexpectedly impressed despite his irritation. Mace had managed to turn around the conversation to commend Obi-Wan’s judgment instead of insulting it. It was no wonder why his friend had ended up on the Council.

“It would not be a dangerous mission,” Obi-Wan said slowly. “Just a difficult one. As I stated in my request, my contact is sure that the laboratory is not active, which will make it more difficult to find. It is, in the most straightforward sense, a scouting mission.”

“Think Master Jinn and his Padawan should go?” Qui-Gon’s grandmaster said, making it clear that the Council was indeed leaving the final say to the young Knight.

Obi-Wan hesitated, no doubt irritated that after all the work he had put in his old Master was sliding in to take his mission. It was uncouth and left a sour taste in Qui-Gon’s mouth. Surely there had been a better way to handle the whole situation. If Qui-Gon had just had a little more time he would have talked to Obi-Wan, and then maybe none of this would have happened.

“While I have no doubt of Master Jinn and Padawan Skywalker’s abilities, I believe that sending them to Piel would be unproductive. I included the details I have learned about the laboratory’s location, but without familiarity with the planet it would be very difficult to find.”

“Agree with this, we do.” Yoda nodded, his ears perking up and back in the way they did when the grandmaster was too smug for his own good.

“Indeed, which is why we are asking you to accompany young Skywalker and Master Jinn. They will benefit from your experience, and you will be available if anything happens to go… wrong.” 

Qui-Gon didn’t bother to hide his glower at Mace as the eyes of the council settled on him. He understood now exactly what Mace’s scheme was. When Qui-Gon had failed to talk to Obi-Wan quickly enough, Mace had taken it upon himself to ensure that it happened, coming dangerously close to making everything worse while he was at it. To make matters worse, if Qui-Gon protested Obi-Wan would likely consider it a further slight against himself. Something that Mace knew Qui-Gon wished to avoid if at all possible.

“I do not wish to be an undue burden upon Knight Kenobi.” Qui-Gon swallowed his pride and accepted the Council’s determination that he was not considered an adequate guardian and instead looked to Obi-Wan. It was unkind for the Council to force Obi-Wan to accept Qui-Gon and Anakin. Qui-Gon would do what he could to allow him to say no.

But instead of the frustration, Qui-Gon expected, he instead saw the crease between Obi-Wan’s eyes when he was worried or particularly lost in thought.

“You would not be,” Obi-Wan said, voice carefully measured, hiding whatever the man truly felt.

“Good,” If Mace was attempting to hide how smug he was, he was not doing a very good job of it as he steepled his fingers together. “We understand that you wished to leave this morning. That should still be possible if you brief them along the way.”

“Why the urgency?” Qui-Gon asked Mace.

“The approximate location of the factory that was given me is in the southern hemisphere of Piel, which is about to go into its winter cycle,” Obi-Wan answered instead. “If we cannot find it before the snows start it will become impossible until spring, as such time is of the essence.”

So Mace had made sure Obi-Wan couldn’t even concede the mission to Qui-Gon and Anakin if he had wanted to. Qui-Gon had never enjoyed being outmaneuvered by the Council, but Mace had overstepped this time.

“I see, we will do our best to leave as soon as possible then.” Qui-Gon was careful to keep his voice neutral. 

“Very good, we look forward to seeing the results of your mission. May the Force be with you.”

Qui-Gon glared, well aware of the full meaning of Mace’s words. The three of them bowed, Qui-Gon stiff and angry while jittery excitement began to take root in Anakin’s boots.

They entered the turbo lift when Qui-Gon turned to stare down Mace. “There is something I wish to address before we leave, would you mind taking Anakin with you to get the necessary provisions?”

Obi-Wan glanced between them as the doors closed, “Of course, we will meet you in the docking bay.”

“Thank you, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon smiled despite his ire with Mace. Obi-Wan truly had conducted himself admirably in front of the Council as he always had. 

Obi-Wan met his eyes with the barest hint of a smile before the lift doors opened and it slipped away like it had never been there.

“Come on Anakin, we’ll need to find you something warm to wear.”

“Qui-Gon already got me a Jedi robe from the Quartermaster,” Anakin said with a jump to his step as he left with Obi-Wan.

Qui-Gon watched them go as Obi-Wan chuckled in response, “Piel is going to be a great deal colder than Coruscant.” He could almost imagine the curl of Obi-Wan’s eyes as he teased Anakin, the young boy disconcertedly trying to conceive a place so cold even a Jedi cloak wouldn’t be enough.

The two were gone by the time Mace came out of the lift tube with a put upon look. “Alright, let's have it then.”

“What kind of bantha fodder was that?” Qui-Gon growled, walking with Mace to a more secluded area.

“Your reputation can handle a few hits.” Mace turned to walk onto one of the temple’s balconies that Qui-Gon was all too familiar with. It was the last place Obi-Wan and he had talked before he had marred everything between them.

“That’s not what I am talking about,” Qui-Gon said more harshly than he meant, too aware of his own faults and mistakes. “You practically [forced] Obi-Wan to accept us on this mission. If you had just given me a few more hours I was going to meet with Obi-Wan this morning.”

“You would have been too late.” Mace stopped at the railing, folding his arms staunchly. “Obi-Wan submitted the request for this mission last night to the Assignment Council.”

Qui-Gon huffed, unsatisfied with Mace’s justification. “Then I would have spoken to him before he left and he could have gone without Anakin and I to bother him. You said he was pushing himself too hard, but from what was said in the Council chamber, this mission hardly merits an intervention.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic,” Mace said, his own irritation beginning to show. “I gave you more than enough time to talk to him, and if you had kept your word then we might not be having this conversation in the first place. Whatever is between you two needs to be resolved and this way you even get what you wanted—time away from Coruscant.”

“I didn’t want it like this.”

“Yes well, that’s life.” Mace’s harsh words were softened with a tired sigh, “There are several members of the Council who are less than pleased with you despite you keeping your head down since Naboo, it was like pulling teeth to even get them to allow this.”

“I could just take a sabbatical,” Qui-Gon said just to needle Mace.

“Not with a Padawan in tow you couldn’t,” Mace said dryly, not rising to the bait. “For the next couple of years you can consider yourself on probation. Until Anakin is older at least.”

“So I can look forward to a string of babysitters then.” The ire had drained from Qui-Gon, leaving his voice jaded and worn.

“A mission partner at least.”

Qui-Gon shook his head, “If you think Obi-Wan will be interested, you are wrong.”

“Don’t shut a door before you know what’s behind it, Qui-Gon.” Mace rested his hand on Qui-Gon’s shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. “Now, I believe you have a mission to leave for and I don’t think you want to keep Obi-Wan waiting.

Unsatisfied, but knowing a lost battle when he saw one, Qui-Gon said goodbye and left to meet Obi-Wan and Anakin.


	2. Camping and Confrontations

When he arrived at the docking bay, Obi-Wan and Anakin were already there, the young boy chattering away.

“But why can’t we have our own ship. I could fly it!”

“I have no doubt you would like to.” Obi-Wan said dryly, “But our mission simply isn’t urgent enough to merit one of the Temple’s ships. We’ll take an AA-9 freighter to the Fakir sector and then ride the rest of the way on a YT-2400. Have you been in one of those before?”

Anakin let out a put upon sigh, “We saw them on Tatooine sometimes.”

“Ah.” Obi-Wan glanced up to see Qui-Gon approaching and bowed his head at the neck in greeting, “I’m glad to see you, our ship is leaving soon.”

“I’m sorry about the delay.” Qui-Gon returned the formal bow while Anakin looked between the two of them confused. “Can I help with the packs?”

There was in fact more baggage than Qui-Gon had anticipated. He and Obi-Wan had tended to travel light, carrying absolute necessities on their persons so when inevitably their packs were lost, it was no more than the discomfort of wearing the same clothes for a few days.

Obi-Wan handed him one of the two large survival packs while Anakin picked his much smaller, but equally packed backpack.

“I take it we are going to have a rough few days?” Qui-Gon asked as Obi-Wan led them to the ship.

“I’m afraid so,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh.

“Obi-Wan said we are going to be camping!” Anakin piped up between them.

“Is that so?” Qui-Gon asked, trying to hide his amusement, but the side-eye Obi-Wan sent him said that Obi-Wan knew exactly what he was thinking. Despite enjoying the outdoors in measure, Obi-Wan had always preferred the comforts of a bed and warm showers than days of survival in the wilderness.

“Piel is sparsely populated, the southern hemisphere is particularly barren and only has a few hundred homesteaders, all of which keep to themselves for the most part.”

“My Mom told me about people out in the Jundland wastes like that. We’d see ‘em sometimes, load up in Mos Espa. They never came back.”

Obi-Wan wordlessly opened his mouth before looking to Qui-Gon.

“Some people just want to be left alone. Now let’s get on board.” Qui-Gon put his hand on Anakin’s shoulder and guided him up the ramp of the ship.

“Jira said it was because they didn’t know how to die so they went to the desert so it could do it for them.”

The spacer who stood at the threshold gave the three of them a horrified look and asked weakly, “Ah, names?”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I added two more seats to the booking request last minute, Qui-Gon Jinn and Anakin Skywalker.”

“Right.” The spacer reluctantly looked at their datapad and checked that everything was in order. “Um, take a seat I guess. You were the last passengers we were waiting on. I’ll let the captain know.”

The three of them moved through the ship’s limited passenger areas before finally finding a space for the three of them. There were a few other Jedis on board, but for the most part, it was just normal people, leaving Coruscant to return to their families or follow business opportunities. They were looked at in curiosity for the first few hours, but eventually, the novelty of sitting so close to Jedi wore off and the grind of hours in a starship settled in.

Anakin sat between them providing common ground and distraction as the boy asked dozens of questions about where they were going and why. All of which was helpful to Qui-Gon as he listened to Obi-Wan’s dulcet voice as he explained the details of their mission.

It turned out that a few weeks ago Obi-Wan had been on a mission on a planet in the same system as Piel, negotiating between rival factions before tensions could escalate into a civil war. It was during that time that Obi-Wan discovered that one of the leaders of the much more prosperous faction believed that war was inevitable and felt threatened by the much larger population of the opposing force. In order to combat this, she had funded Rhysico Minne to create and mass produce biological weapons that would turn the tide of what was to come. 

Obi-Wan had been able to stop it just in time before the crates containing the deadly chemicals were distributed amongst the poor and innocent. Despite using the event to garner the political will to obtain peace and destroying the chemicals that could have killed half the planet’s population, Obi-Wan had been unable to find Rhysico Minne’s original laboratory, where the formulas and first strains of the chemicals had been made. 

Despite his concerns that such a laboratory if discovered by the wrong individuals could be disastrous, Obi-Wan’s work on the planet had been done and he had been needed elsewhere. So, he had asked a few of the friends he had made while brokering peace to contact him if any new leads were discovered in his absence and after weeks of looking, one of them had decoded Rhysico’s ship log. It didn’t tell them exactly where the laboratory was, but it couldn’t be far from where his ship docked.

“Why didn’t your friend just go to find it himself?” Anakin asked, leaning his head against Obi-Wan tiredly.

“He’s a data analyst for the rival faction, and if he went himself they could be implicated as trying to take Rhysico Minne’s research for themselves to get revenge. It’s better in this case that a neutral party, such as the Jedi, step in.” Obi-Wan explained.

“Why do you believe it will be so difficult to find once we are on the planet?” Qui-Gon finally asked.

Obi-Wan looked over Anakin who was quickly slipping from drowsy to sleep. “We suspected that the laboratory was on Piel before I had to leave and did numerous aerial sweeps and even some ground searches and found nothing. The surface is deceptive, what look like gently rolling hills actually are riddled with deep fissures and ravines that are created from the winter snowmelt. The laboratory is likely hidden in one of them and will be difficult to access.”

“I see,” Qui-Gon leaned back in his seat, folding his arms in thought. No Jedi mission was actually easy, but the Council was right. It was just the kind of mission that a fresh Padawan could bite their teeth on without the threat of kidnappings or lives on the line. No doubt Anakin would find the whole thing a grand adventure.

Qui-Gon glanced over to see his Padawan had succumbed to a light doze and Obi-Wan looking back at him. They both looked away at the same time, the light atmosphere between them almost instantly becoming strained. The last time Qui-Gon had been alone with Obi-Wan had been in the hospital wing on Naboo, still painfully recovering from his near mortal wound with numerous bacta treatments. But it was ridiculous to compare that moment to now, he and Obi-Wan were hardly alone, strangers surrounding them on almost every side.

Obi-Wan’s hand tapped restlessly on his knee. He had never enjoyed the long periods of doing nothing between missions as they traveled from one planet to another. Qui-Gon would have once offered to play a game, or debate hypotheticals with no real answer. He doubted Obi-Wan would appreciate either now, his former Padawan probably craving the recent addition of a holojournal or perhaps a novel he had recently taken interest in. Even if he had those things though he would hardly be able to take out a datapad to read them with Anakin now fast asleep, essentially trapping Obi-Wan in his seat with Qui-Gon too close for comfort.

Qui-Gon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at his entangled hands. There might not be a better time to attempt to talk to Obi-Wan. The longer he procrastinated the more likely he would continue to do so. It was unfortunate that they didn’t have much privacy, but as long as they kept their voices down the people with curious eyes would still be unable to hear them.

“How are you, Obi-Wan?”

Obi-Wan’s fingers froze although his expression barely changed enough to show he was listening.

“I’m fine. My last mission was a success.”

“Yes, I’ve heard.” Qui-Gon tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, Obi-Wan’s eyes tracking the movement before returning to look at Qui-Gon’s face. “From all reports, you have been very successful.”

The beginnings of a frown curled at the edges of Obi-Wan’s lips. “I have been very lucky,” Obi-Wan said humbly, “and the Force has been with me.”

“I have no doubt of that,” Qui-Gon tried to smile and reassure Obi-Wan. He decided to try a different take. “Anakin and I don’t see you at the Temple very often.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowed for a split second, a hint of confusion shining there. “I’m sorry. I do try and say hello when I am there.”

“I know you do.” Obi-Wan had been prepared to take Anakin on as his Padawan learner if Qui-Gon hadn’t made it through the recovery process, and even now cared about the child he had once jestingly referred to as a pathetic lifeform. “But, that’s not what I am worried about.”

Obi-Wan went rigid under Anakin, the boy making a small noise of complaint.

“Is there an issue, Qui-Gon?”

Kriff it, Qui-Gon had known this was a terrible idea. Some former Master-Padawan pairs had enough love and respect between them that an old Master could offer critique or advice without insult. Qui-Gon had once thought it would be that way between them. It was all a fool’s dream now.

“I wouldn’t call it that. I just wondered when was the last time you took a break between missions.”

“I was just barely back at the Temple.” Obi-Wan looked away, evidently to look at the ship’s time to destination electroboard.

“You were there for less than two days. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break.” Qui-Gon tried to keep his voice low and calming, but it sparked indignation in Obi-Wan instead.

“I think I need to determine for myself if I need more time to recover between missions Ma— Qui-Gon.” Obi-Wan let out of a huff of air, his eyebrows furrowing like they did when he was irritated with himself.

“I have no doubt that you do,” Qui-Gon said softly, sitting up and opening his hand. “I suppose I just worry… you always used to feel like the weight of the galaxy was on your shoulders.”

The raw look in Obi-Wan’s eyes hurt more than any words could have. “And I suppose that’s something I’ll have to learn not to do. On my own.”

Anakin groaned, sitting up with his eyes still closed, Obi-Wan’s shoulder evidently losing its comfortableness. Obi-Wan took the opportunity to stand up almost immediately. 

“I think I’ll go get us some hot tea and see what food they have to offer,” Obi-Wan said while Anakin was still blinking blearily.

He was gone the next moment, leaving Qui-Gon to ruminate on words he wished he had never spoken. Obi-Wan wasn’t wrong to call him out. If Qui-Gon had been able to have more time he would have said something different. That Obi-Wan was a more than capable Padawan who had been ready to take his trials for months if not years. That Qui-Gon looked forward to the day that they could work together as equals. It was all too late for that.

“What did you do?” Anakin’s hand was smashed against his face, holding up what seemed to be most of his head’s weight.

Qui-Gon glanced at him stricken before letting out a heavy sigh. “Put my head in where it wasn’t wanted.”

Anakin’s face twisted up as he untangled the idiom, “Well don’t,” Anakin said with a jaw-cracking yawn. “Obi-Wan is really nice once you get to know him.”

Anakin leaned too much to one side, still tired and Qui-Gon reached out to steady him and let Anakin lean against him. By the time Obi-Wan was back with drinks and small packs of snacks, Anakin’s feet were up on the seat and Obi-Wan was forced to sit one more down. He didn’t look displeased.

The next few hours moved slowly. Qui-Gon didn’t try to talk to Obi-Wan again until Anakin woke up both ravenous and bored. Together, they managed to entertain the boy, taking turns telling him stories about the galaxy that were actually thinly veiled history lessons. Still, Anakin managed to suffer the long voyage without much complaining, and much much later when they arrived at the space colony where they needed to transfer to a local ship, he plodded next to them, unaccustomed to the long hours of space travel required.

“I’m afraid our ship is docked on the other side of the station,” Obi-Wan said with an apologetic smile. Anakin groaned and grabbed Qui-Gon’s hand, young and tired enough that he didn’t care if people saw.

The Captain of the ship was waiting for them when they arrived. “There’s three of you now? That’s going to cost extra.”

“Yes, that’s fine. I wasn’t able to update the charter before we had to leave. We appreciate you making this detour.”

“Detour?” Qui-Gon asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I already told Anakin. Captain Krytal is taking her load to the largest city on Piel, Flark. It’s in the Northern Hemisphere, so she’ll come back for us in a week, or when I send the signal that we have been successful.”

The Captain grunted, and ushered them inside, “You may want to rethink that—I was just checking the forecasts and it looks like a storm’s goin’ to come in early.” 

“How early?” Obi-Wan asked concerned as the three of them followed the captain into the cockpit.

“Eh, see for yourself.” The Captain grabbed a datapad from a seat pocket and thrust it at Obi-Wan.

“Well? I’ve been waitin’ for hours. You all wantin’ to sit your pants down and buckle up so we can get out of here?”

“Of course,” Qui-Gon said as he corralled Anakin away from the ship’s control panel and to the co-pilot seat.

“Not there! For kriff’s sake, do neither of you know how to pilot? I don’t want some kid next to the controls.”

Before either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan could speak up, Anakin shouted, “I know how to fly! Probably a lot better than you!”

The Captain stared at Anakin in disbelief for huffing and rolling her eyes, “Kriffing Jedi kids, I don’t care—one of you,” She pointed at the two of them, easily gliding over Anakin’s short height, “sit next to me. Now, let’s go.”

She took her own seat, and Qui-Gon guided an infuriated and insulted Anakin to a seat just behind where Obi-Wan was sitting down. 

“Both Obi-Wan and I, and hundreds of people on Naboo, know what you were able to do with your piloting skills. You don’t need to prove them here.”

Anakin bit his lip, still looking affronted, before straightening up and buckling himself in. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t care what she thinks.” The glare he sent at their pilot betrayed the lie, but Qui-Gon accepted the answer and sat down himself.

While the Captain got clearance to take off, Obi-Wan scrolled through the datapad with furrowed brows.

“Bad news?” Qui-Gon asked.

“Ah,” Obi-Wan looked up with a grimace, “Not necessarily. We’ll be in for some rain, but the cold front is coming in faster than I thought. We’ll only have four days before it hits instead of the week I hoped.”

“Hmm, we’ll have to work quickly then.”

Obi-Wan nodded, looking behind him to Anakin who hadn’t stopped glaring, but had the tale-tale look of interest in his eyes as she got ready for take-off.

“It’s going to get a little colder than I thought as well.”

It would be difficult for Anakin, having been born and raised on a desert planet with extreme conditions had made him more susceptible to the cold than a standard human.

“Do we have adequate supplies?” If they didn’t, then they would need to take a detour with their Captain to acquire more, further reducing their time to search for the Laboratory. 

“We should.” A smile glimmered in Obi-Wan’s eyes, “I… thought it would be best to be prepared.”

“Well, that’s just great.” The Captain interrupted, clearly unimpressed with her passengers. “Now let’s get in the air!”

With that as her only warning, the ship shuddered to life, the engines vibrating the metal beneath them as they rose into the air and moved out of the loading dock.

The journey between the space station and Piel was thankfully shorter than the first part of their trip but managed to be even less enjoyable. The Captain didn’t have much patience for talking and even less when it came to Anakin, but after Qui-Gon opened a decoding game, Anakin managed to become enthralled and the hours between them and their destination eventually slipped away.

Upon the approach to Piel, Anakin strained to see the fourth planet that he would set foot on. It glimmered, with patches of deep blue and greyish green beneath the blanket of white clouds that slowly moved across the planet’s surface.

“Alright hold tight, we’re entering the atmosphere now.” The pilot warned as she steered the ship down, making the whole ship tremble in the effort.

Anakin had completely forgotten his ire with their pilot now, and looked around delightedly as the red flames of re-entry burned at the edges of the transparisteel screen. They bounced through the mesosphere and began to sink incredibly quickly, first through blue sky before splashing into the clouds below. Then for a moment, they couldn’t see anything except the ship’s sensor readings as they continuously updated.

Finally, they broke through, the pilot only slowing down a little as she guided the ship to the exact coordinates that Obi-Wan had requested. A sea of grey-green hills spread below them. It was no wonder an aerial search had not worked. The ship abruptly began its landing, throwing them all against their seat restraints as the Captain lowered the ship on top of one of the tallest hills.

“Alright, that’s it. Now pay up and get off my ship.”

While Obi-Wan transferred the required credits, Qui-Gon and Anakin grabbed the baggage they had brought with them. Anakin ran ahead and eagerly opened the hatch door, letting in the damp air from outside.

“It’s really cold!” Anakin said with more excitement than dismay as he ran down the boarding ramp and into the grey-green brush that stretched as far as the eye could see.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan called from behind Qui-Gon, sending a stressed look Qui-Gon’s way.

“He’ll be fine. He has the Force to guide him.” 

Obi-Wan gave him a look that somehow mixed together skepticism, worry, and a touch of amusement.

“Please make sure your Padawan doesn’t fall into a ravine before we even set foot on the ground, Qui-Gon.”

Feeling rather like he had just been scolded, Qui-Gon disembarked and caught up to Anakin who had thankfully stopped running in order to actually look around.

“Why is there only one plant?” Anakin asked with a pout. “On Naboo there were thousands of plants, Padme couldn’t even name them all. This isn’t a desert or a city, did someone plant all of these?” 

Qui-Gon let out a laugh, “No, there are some habitats that support very specialized ecosystems, to the point of only one or two dominant species. I expect that is the case on this part of Piel.”

Obi-Wan finished speaking with the Captain and joined them. “It is, the brush here has to be very tolerant of the winter here, but in the spring turns these hills into an ocean of violet blossoms. It was very beautiful.”

Qui-Gon smiled as Obi-Wan talked, “I wish I had seen it with you.”

It was only when Obi-Wan looked at him sharply that Qui-Gon realized he had spoken without thinking. No doubt Obi-Wan thought he was overstepping.

“Well,” Qui-Gon said with a deep breath, focusing on Anakin instead of meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes. “I don’t know about you two, but I would rather not look for the hidden laboratory while carrying all our supplies. We should find a place to make camp.”

Behind them the small freighter engines ignited, sending waves through the surrounding brush. They watched as their only transportation took off and disappeared into the distance.

“It’s a good idea.” Obi-Wan broke the silence. “The days here are short, so we’d want to set up camp sooner rather than later anyway. If we are lucky then we may find the laboratory sooner rather than later and only need to spend one night.”

They set off, looking for a good spot to camp. Despite where the ship landed being the only area large and flat enough to hold a ship, it was on top of a large hill, and as such would be dangerous if the weather turned for the worst. Anakin spotted a gully that Obi-Wan vetoed. It would be too dangerous when it started to rain. 

They almost stumbled into the first fissure only minutes into their hike, dangerously hidden by the brush growing almost over the edge. Anakin, a bit too curious for his own good, tried to lean over the edge to see how far it went down, only for Qui-Gon’s hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“It narrows up ahead, we can jump over it and head a bit lower down,” Obi-Wan said.

They might have looked for hours without success if not for the Force. Every location they considered was either too steep, unprotected, or close to a ravine or fissure of unknown depth. However, while Qui-Gon looked with his eyes, he searched with his heart, and sure enough, they managed to find a dip almost hidden by the overgrown brush that led to a hollow against the hill. There was still a slight slope, but it would make a satisfactory camp.

“I think we can fit the tent in that corner, and put the fire here if we clear away some of the brush,” Obi-Wan said, surveying the space.

Before Qui-Gon could answer, Anakin said with a shiver, “That’s really far though. Why not closer to the fire?”

Qui-Gon shook his head while he put down his pack and started pulling items out. “You don’t want to sleep too close to where you cook your food. The local wildlife tends to take an interest no matter how well you clean up afterward.” 

He glanced at Obi-Wan, who had a slight smile before he addressed Anakin. “Qui-Gon is right, this part of Piel may have a monoculture of violet brush, but there are several animals that eat it and predators that eat them. They shouldn’t bother us, but we don’t want to invite them into our tent either.”

Anakin’s eyes widened in interest and soon he was grilling Obi-Wan about the local wildlife as they set up their camp. Qui-Gon took care of clearing the brush to make room and picked up the twigs and branches to be used in a fire later. 

“Anakin, do you want to set-up the tent?” Obi-Wan called, breaking their rhythm.

“Yes!” Anakin shouted, scrambling over and grabbing the tube tent Obi-Wan had removed from the packs.

“Alright, just press here, and shoot it that way.”

Anakin followed Obi-Wan’s instructions exactly, making the tent shoot out of its packaging and spread its thin arms through the air until it formed the recognizable shape of a tent.

“Wizard!” Anakin ran up to, poking the thin walls. “How are we going to get it back in?”

“It folds up, although it does take a bit longer than that. Help me turn it upside right.”

With a bit of maneuvering, the door was revealed. Anakin wanted to go in right away, but Obi-Wan made them stake down the tent properly first.

Qui-Gon came over after they had finished to peer inside. “It doesn’t look very big.”

Obi-Wan grimaced, “It’s what the temple qualifies as a three-man tent. We’ll all fit one way or another.”

Qui-Gon made a neutral noise, he had no doubt of that, but was under no illusion that it would be comfortably. He studied Obi-Wan as he helped Anakin begin setting up the sleeping pads. Maybe he should offer to keep watch, Obi-Wan looked almost as tired as Anakin and was vastly better at hiding it. That way Obi-Wan could get some sleep without worrying and being pushed into a corner by Qui-Gon’s long limbs.

He felt the first drop of rain on his cheek and looked up. The sky had darkened to a light grey, and the threat of a shower was imminent. 

“If we have rain gear, we may want to get it out now,” Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan softly cursed under his breath making Anakin giggle in response. “Already? Okay, come here Anakin, put this and leave your cloak in the tent.”

A poncho was thrust out of the tent, the rubbery lining bulked out by insulation. It was hardly proper Jedi attire and Qui-Gon was amused to realize why Obi-Wan had kept them in the packs rather than having everyone put them on earlier.

“Thank you.” Qui-Gon took the poncho and shrugged off his own cloak, passing it to Obi-Wan who efficiently rolled it up to be a pillow that night.

A moment later, Anakin burst out of the tent and spread his arms to present his new outfit. His poncho was bright lime-green and would be easy to see, day or night. It clashed badly with his Jedi boots that could withstand more than a little rain and mud.

“That’s certainly something, Anakin,” Qui-Gon said, covering his mouth.

“It’s great!” Anakin suddenly looked up open-mouthed. “It’s raining!”

“Yes, you can look forward to having plenty of it on this mission.” Obi-Wan climbed out of the tent and began setting up an awning to cover the entrance while Anakin opened his mouth to catch the raindrops. It was probably the first time Anakin had ever experienced rain. The weather on Coruscant was tightly controlled, and their time on Naboo filled with pleasant weather.

“This is amazing!” Anakin held out his hands to feel the rain coming down before spinning like he could catch the drops as they fell.

“It is,” Qui-Gon said, staring into the sky. “A miracle of nature that is easily forgotten.”

He felt Obi-Wan’s eyes on him and turned to meet his gaze. When he did so, Obi-Wan seemed to startle from his thoughts. “Well, we have a few hours of daylight left. We may as well use it to try and find the Laboratory while we enjoy the rain.”

Obi-Wan pulled out two datapads with the map of their surrounding terrain. They would split up to cover more distance and when they returned to camp would [aggregate] their efforts.

“What about food?” Anakin asked, having finally put on his hood when his forehead had gotten uncomfortably cold from the rain splashing directly onto it.

“Oh, well we have some ration bars,” Obi-Wan said, pulling out one to give to Anakin.

Anakin’s nose scrunched up, Qui-Gon had given him one to tide him over while they had been on Naboo. 

“I think we might be able to do better than that. You mentioned some animals that sounded edible,” Qui-Gon said.

“They are, and there are fish in the ravines if we go low enough.” Obi-Wan reluctantly agreed. He never had enjoyed living off the land. Qui-Gon understood, preferring to live sustainably, but when in the wilderness he enjoyed the connection to the land it gave him.

“Very well, we will see what we can hunt while we begin the search for the Laboratory,” Qui-Gon said as he put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

They split off into two directions not far from the camp. Obi-Wan believed that the laboratory couldn’t be farther than two klicks from the landing coordinates, but it was more likely that Rhysico Minne wouldn’t have wanted to travel even that far. With that in mind, Qui-Gon and Anakin circled the hill they had landed on to the south, while Obi-Wan took the north.

Along the way, they found a fissure that opened into a promising ravine. It took a few minutes to find a safe way down, the rain making the ground slippery beneath their feet, but Anakin managed to find a natural stair of stone just wide enough for even Qui-Gon. Their descent may have been incredibly foolish with the rain if not for the Force. Qui-Gon kept intensely mindful of any warning, not wishing to get caught in a flash flood that was common in this area.

The Force remained quiet, gentle ripples dancing with the rain in harmony. The loudest thing by far was Anakin, excitedly exclaiming over every little thing he noticed. Once or twice, he got into so much of a hurry that he slipped, but Qui-Gon was always there beside him to catch him.

“Do you think it could be down here?” Anakin asked once they reached the bottom, a small ledge running alongside a river that was far deeper than it was wide.

“It definitely could be.” Qui-Gon acknowledged, stretching out his senses, but here like everywhere they had been so far, the Force was undisturbed. It had likely been too long since Rhysico Minne had visited for the Force to hold the memory of it and they would need to be closer to the entrance to feel the difference of a structure from the nature around them.

“There’s a fish!” Anakin shouted as there was a soft plop of a fish coming up for air.

“Indeed,” Qui-Gon said with a smile as he looked around. “How would you like to learn how to fish Anakin?”

_________

Half an hour later, Anakin and Qui-Gon had caught three fish and a handful of insects that Anakin had generously donated to the cause. Determining that it would be more than enough for the three of them, Qui-Gon carried them while they explored the rest of the ravine before the shadows became too dark.

He wondered how Obi-Wan was doing. No doubt, he had been able to cover more ground and Obi-Wan had always been thorough. They might return to camp to discover the Laboratory had been found without needing their help at all. The thought settled in Qui-Gon’s stomach badly, and he decided they should head back to camp and start prepping dinner.

They took a different path back to camp, just in case they might find something along the way, but failed to spot anything. The rain tapered off along the way, and Qui-Gon pulled his hood down to match Anakin who took a deep breath.

“It smells so good, it’s like... like…” Anakin trailed off, “like breathing the rain, even though it's gone now!”

“It’s not gone far. The moisture in the air isn’t quite dense enough to form droplets, but you can feel the dew.” Qui-Gon held out his hand as they walked, acting on his own words.

“This is so wizard! Do you think Obi-Wan caught anything?”

“I doubt it.” Qui-Gon said with a smile, “But if there is anything worth foraging I have no doubt he will bring some back.”

“What do you mean?”

Qui-Gon spent the rest of the hike back explaining that on planets with enough moisture for plants to grow uncultivated, it was possible to just go into the wilderness and find food if one knew where to look. Impressed and intrigued Anakin kept up a steady stream of questions even after they arrived back in camp. Obi-Wan was still nowhere to be seen, but Qui-Gon wasn’t concerned, he knew all too well Obi-Wan could take care of himself.

The two of them got to work, setting up the promised fire with a firestick and the pile of wood Qui-Gon had hidden from the rain and prepping the fish to cook. Anakin was a good helper, intrigued, and not afraid to get his hands dirty in a way completely opposite to Obi-Wan who preferred a civilized kitchen. He was a much better cook than Qui-Gon when he did have access to one, creating more than one concoction that Qui-Gon doubted he would ever try again.

Obi-Wan arrived back while the fish was still cooking, and a quick glance was all Qui-Gon needed to see that he had been no more successful than they had. 

Anakin greeted Obi-Wan enthusiastically enough for the two of them and with a smile Obi-Wan revealed what he had found.

“This time of year, rock fungi grow under the purple brush and down in the ravines,” Obi-Wan said as he put what he had found into a pot.

“Rock fungi?” Anakin asked, looking at the purple lumps which lead to a whole discussion on what could count as fungi and how it was different from other plants. Anakin, as always, absorbed it like a sponge and tried both fish and fungi with relish once they were cooked.

Qui-Gon couldn’t help but laugh though when Anakin took a large bite of what Obi-Wan had made and visibly forced himself to keep eating.

“You don’t have to eat it, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said with a put-upon smile as he ate his own portion of the meal.

“It’s alright.” Anakin said after he swallowed down his food, “It’s uh, really good.” Anakin’s spork moved listlessly in his bowl.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said dryly. He let it sit for a few more minutes while Anakin finished eating his fish before he made an offer to exchange his portion of fish for Anakin’s fungi.

Qui-Gon didn’t know if he’d ever seen an offer taken so quickly.

The rain started up again a little before they were finished and helped with a little dirt to put out the fire. They cleaned up quickly, using the last light from the setting sun to do so. It cut through the dull grey clouds and lit them and the hills below in a warm-hazy orange. Qui-Gon stopped for a moment to look only to be pulled back by Obi-Wan’s attention landing on him. Abashed, he finished packing up the remains of the fish to be taken away from their campsite.

“I’ll take a quick round and dispose of this,” Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan and Anakin who were busy discussing the nightlife on Piel.

Obi-Wan nodded to show that he had heard, and Qui-Gon walked away, alone.

The light faded away quicker than Qui-Gon hoped and the rain heavier than he expected, but he kept walking all the same. Despite the general gloom, he felt more at peace here than he had in the months of recovery and then assignment on Coruscant. The Council may have had ulterior motives, but Qui-Gon was grateful to be there all the same. It felt like he could finally take a full breath again, his lungs filling to capacity.

He lost track of time as he walked and reconnected with the Force which was irritating when he finally stopped, obstructed by yet another fissure. It was dark enough now that even if he had past the Laboratory he would have likely missed it. He would have to come back in the morning and retrace his steps.

Qui-Gon was grateful to the Force on his return journey, relying on it to guide him back on the muddy journey. He would need to leave his boots outside of the tent at this rate. Obi-Wan had always been fastidious, even when it came to basic survival. It could have been annoying if Obi-Wan had ever complained, or made trouble, but instead, when he didn’t know Qui-Gon was looking, he would pout and put ‘things to rights’. Once Qui-Gon had realized, he had tried to do what he could to do the same, both of them doing small things that made the discomfort of sleeping in the wild less.

It felt a lot like back then. Back when Qui-Gon had still thought that despite his own flaws he could make Obi-Wan happy. He wished that he had been right.

“Qui-Gon?”

Up ahead, through the heavy patter of rain on his hood, Qui-Gon heard Obi-Wan call his name.

“I’m here.” He called back, spotting the light from a glow rod bending around the hill before he caught sight of Obi-Wan’s form.

“Qui-Gon? What are you doing? There’s no way we will be able to find the entrance in all of this.” Obi-Wan waved the glow rod through the pouring rain, but the light didn’t reach Qui-Gon.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I was enjoying my walk…” Qui-Gon trailed off, as he realized Anakin wasn’t there. “Is there something wrong? Where is—”

“Anakin’s fine.” Obi-Wan stepped forward until they were both encompassed in the glow. “It’s been a long day. He was asleep before I left.”

Qui-Gon let out a breath and began his way up the hill towards Obi-Wan. “That’s good to hear, you didn’t want to join him?”

Obi-Wan let out a tired laugh, “I definitely did, but a certain someone decided not to come back to camp within a reasonable amount of time.”

“Ah,” Qui-Gon winced, “I would have made my way back eventually, you should have just stayed and gotten some sleep.”

“And let you have all the fun in this rain and muck?” Obi-Wan asked as Qui-Gon reached him.

As if on cue, Qui-Gon’s left foot began to slide in the mud, he would have had to catch himself with the Force if not for Obi-Wan’s steadying hand.

“Thank you,” Qui-Gon said twofold. He would have been fine no doubt. The mission was far safer than many he had been on, but Obi-Wan’s concern sparked a low warmth in his chest all the same.

“We’ll need to take care in the morning if this keeps up.” Obi-Wan let go and walked behind him, his hood hiding even the dim outline of his face.

Qui-Gon agreed, and they walked in under the silence of the pelting rain on their ponchos. They retraced Qui-Gon’s path getting closer and closer to the tent where once again they would be on stable ground.

“I am sorry that I overstepped earlier,” Qui-Gon said.

Beside him, Obi-Wan paused a split second before taking two quick steps to catch up. “You don’t need to, I overreacted.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

This time, Obi-Wan stopped, so that when Qui-Gon turned he had the high ground and towered over his former padawan. The light of the glow rod hung loose in Obi-Wan’s fingers, casting shadows upward and hiding Obi-Wan’s face beneath his hood.

“What do you want, Qui-Gon?” Obi-Wan asked, his voice small.

Qui-Gon wanted to be able to see Obi-Wan’s eyes, the tilt of his mouth. He wanted to understand what Obi-Wan was thinking.

“I’m not sure what you mean—” 

Obi-Wan started back up the hill, “Why are you doing this now?”

Qui-Gon forced his thick tongue to move, “I’m worried about you.”

“Why?” Obi-Wan demanded, “It’s been almost a year since I was Knighted, Qui-Gon, and in all that time, you have only asked to meet me once.”

Qui-Gon felt something twist through him, tying up the words in his throat before he could think them. Obi-Wan stopped beside him, waiting for an answer.

“I’m worried that you’ll be hurt!” Qui-Gon broke, his voice louder than he intended, “And that I won’t be there to help you.”

“You can’t be! You’re not my Master anymore, Qui-Gon.”

“I know!” Qui-Gon jerked down his own hood, feeling unbearably stifled. “I know what I did.”

They stared at each other, breathing heavily like their blades had locked together in battle, each reassessing one another before making the next move. They both knew he had no right to step in, no right to even ask Obi-Wan to listen to him. Apologizing wouldn’t change that, no matter what Mace may have thought, not now. Qui-Gon was months too late.

“Do you?” Obi-Wan’s voice was tired as he raised his hand and covered his eyes.

Qui-Gon wanted to reach out and hold Obi-Wan, or at least take his hand, do anything to provide Obi-Wan the comfort he needed. Instead, Qui-Gon stared down at his open hand that he had instinctively reached out. Consciously, he closed his fingers and let them drop to his side, useless.

“I failed you,” Qui-Gon whispered just barely loud enough to be heard between them and the rain. “I should have let you go.” The rain on his face almost all felt cold against his skin. “Instead I kept you by my side until I was forced to make a choice that I knew would hurt you.”

Qui-Gon looked through the darkness at Obi-Wan, the dim light unable to hide the wry twist of his lips. Again, Qui-Gon wished he could reach out, touch the corner of Obi-Wan’s frown that tugged at the corners of his mouth and smooth it away.

“I understood.” Obi-Wan’s voice was small and faint.

“I know.” Qui-Gon bit out. “I knew you would before I laid my hands on Anakin’s shoulders. But it didn’t matter, we both knew what it cost you.”

Obi-Wan’s shadow uncurled, his hands falling limp by his side, “It’s in the past.”

“You deserve more than what I have ever been able to give you, Obi-Wan. I knew that when I first met you, and every day since.”

Obi-Wan took a stumbling step back, sliding in the mud before Qui-Gon reached out and grabbed his arm. “You regret— “

“No, no, Obi-Wan. I wasn’t enough for you, but with everything in me, I wanted to try. I was better because of you. The only thing I regret is—” Qui-Gon choked on his words.

The rain battered them, soaking into Qui-Gon’s hair and skin as neither pulled away.

“If you had acted any differently Anakin would have been sent away when we were called back to Naboo.” Obi-Wan’s voice was empty and utilitarian. “He would have been lost to the Jedi, we never would have seen him again.”

Qui-Gon opened his mouth to speak, trying to find the words that haunted his thoughts.

Obi-Wan took in a shaky breath, “You made the right choice, Qui-Gon… I already apologized for—”

“You shouldn’t have needed to. I hurt you, Obi-Wan. I was supposed to protect you.” Qui-Gon swallowed heavily, blinking away the rain from his eyes.

“If you want my forgiveness then you have it.” Obi-Wan tremulously offered the very thing Qui-Gon didn’t want.

“No,” Qui-Gon’s voice tore through his throat as he let Obi-Wan go and stumbled back.

Obi-Wan reached out as if to catch him, but Qui-Gon turned away.

“You don’t want me to forgive you. That’s why you didn’t ask.” Obi-Wan said from behind him, the realization in his voice dawning.

Qui-Gon didn’t answer, focusing on where to place his next step, and hoping Obi-Wan would leave it at that.

He did not.

“How long will you condemn yourself, Qui-Gon?” 

Qui-Gon shuddered but kept going.

“You always do this.” Obi-Wan’s frustrated voice followed him. “First with Xanatos and now me. Do you think it helps Anakin for you to wallow in guilt?”

“No,” Qui-Gon said without stopping, wanting to get back to the tent now, where he was certain Obi-Wan would let the conversation drop. “But I’m all he has.”

“It was the same for me. I suppose we all are pathetic lifeforms to you.”

“No!” Qui-Gon slid down a step and had to catch himself on one of the violet bushes to stop sliding further. “I am not enough, I know that. Anakin would be happier with his mother, safer with Mace, and learn more with you! He will grow into a great Jedi not because of me, but in spite of me.”

He didn’t know if he was talking about Anakin anymore or the man Obi-Wan had become.

“You were enough for me, Qui-Gon.” Obi-Wan caught up to him on the hill. “You hurt me, and I have hurt you, but when we were together we managed to put each other back together again. We always did, until you decided you didn’t want to anymore.” 

Qui-Gon didn’t dare look at Obi-Wan, but he could hear Obi-Wan’s voice tremble, stuttering and struggling to stay even.

He tried one last time to explain the truth, “You deserve more than that.”

“Then try.” Obi-Wan took off ahead. The blue of his poncho faded away into dim shadow. Qui-Gon didn’t try to catch up as they trudged the rest of the way to camp in the dark, both lost in the slippery darkness of their own thoughts.

___________________

Obi-Wan reached the tent first and began removing his boots and poncho under an awning that he and Anakin had set up. Qui-Gon was tempted to let him have his space but approached all the time. He didn’t know what to say that could fix this, so he said nothing at all.

No doubt eager to distance himself, Obi-Wan opened the tent door only to let a sigh.

“What?” Qui-Gon asked, peering in as he pulled off his boot only to see Anakin snuggled to the far side of the tent.

Obi-Wan was silent, but when Qui-Gon took a step closer he could see Obi-Wan biting his lip in frustration.

“I put him in the middle,” Obi-Wan whispered, irritation glowing on his face before he stepped into the tent.

It seemed that their mediator had left his post for the comfort of a fabric wall. Qui-Gon hung his poncho and ducked to enter the tent only to have a towel thrown in his face. He caught it with a split-second warning in the Force, but must have sent Obi-Wan a surprised look because he looked abashed and whispered that Qui-Gon needed to towel off.

Feeling a bit foolish, Qui-Gon dried his face and tried to squeeze the water from his hair before once again trying to enter the tent, this time with much more success. 

Obi-Wan claimed the opposite side of the tent from Anakin. Qui-Gon looked away as Obi-Wan got ready for bed, instead focusing on his lack of bedding. When Anakin rolled, he had taken the sealed bedroll with him and claimed the second one beneath him now for himself. Facing a cold night ahead or nudging Anakin aside, Qui-Gon chose the second option.

Anakin grumbled, but only rolled away, half asleep. Qui-Gon managed to divest himself of his outer garments and climb into his own bedroll and lay down. He dared to glance over at Obi-Wan, who met his eyes for a split second and then rolled to his other side. Qui-Gon let out a carefully measured silent breath before reaching up to deactivate the glowrod. It took a few moments for his eyes to acclimate to the sudden dark, the sound of the storm against the surface of the tent strangely comforting as he waited for his bedding to warm.

Obi-Wan’s words kept echoing in his head. Had he been wrong? Qui-Gon had been trying, trying to give Obi-Wan his space, trying not to overstep, trying to not miss him. Had he been trying in all the wrong ways? He couldn’t be trusted with Obi-Wan’s heart and more than anything Qui-Gon wanted Obi-Wan to be happy. Yet, Obi-Wan wasn’t. 

It had been months since he left on his first mission as a Jedi Knight and he had settled into the role with [grace]. Dealing with diplomatic quagmires and rescue missions, he had performed admirably, but alone. It was no small wonder that the dozens of missions that Mace had told him about had worn down Obi-Wan. But maybe there was something more to it too.

While Qui-Gon had forced himself to stay away, he had closed himself away as well, making him unable to see the hurt he was creating. Yet, didn’t that mean he was right? Just another facet in the many ways he failed Obi-Wan. While he hurt Obi-Wan now by pulling away, wasn’t he saving Obi-Wan from further pain in the future? Or was the very idea conceited, steaming from Qui-Gon’s own arrogance.

Qui-Gon let out a grunt as Anakin rolled and elbowed him in the side. Qui-Gon tried to shift to escape, but Anakin was unrelenting until Qui-Gon resigned himself to spending the night with Anakin curled against him. A small sound came from Obi-Wan’s bedroll, but when Qui-Gon looked over he couldn’t see any movement. He couldn’t tell if it had been a laugh or something choked down.

In the darkness, it was all too easy to imagine the worst.

“Obi-Wan?”

There was no answer from the dark outline of Obi-Wan’s form. Despite being only inches apart, Qui-Gon felt the light-years between them.

“I am sorry.” Qui-Gon whispered the words, not sure if they were for Obi-Wan’s ears or his own.

There was only silence to answer him.

More dismayed than he had any right to be, Qui-Gon closed his eyes and tried to center himself within the Force until eventually succumbing to sleep.


	3. Ice and Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The chapter contains unrealistic rescues and arachnid death/consumption.

Despite the cold the night before, Qui-Gon felt warm to his bones. Between sleep and waking, he let himself drift, until the weight and warmth beside him abruptly jerked away. He couldn’t do much more than blink his eyes open before Obi-Wan was already gone.

Grey light from the tent’s partially closed door fluttered in as Qui-Gon stared after Obi-Wan before realizing what had happened. In the night, he and Anakin had migrated, leaving a hole where Anakin was meant to be, and edging into the already small space Obi-Wan had claimed for himself.

Feeling guilty, but well rested, Qui-Gon managed to not wake Anakin while he climbed out of his bedding. Even within the tent, the morning air held a chill that crawled through Qui-Gon’s tunics with ease. With only a slight shiver Qui-Gon automatically deepened his breathing and let the Force flow through him as he climbed out of the tent.

Outside was colder and the warm air from his lungs condensed into a milky cloud. It had thankfully stopped raining during the night, but the ground had turned into a slog thinly veiled with frost that would make their search difficult.

“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon scanned the camp, as he pulled on his stiff and cold poncho. Obi-Wan and Anakin’s still hung limply from the post.

“I’m here.”

Qui-Gon followed Obi-Wan’s voice and found him squatting down in front of the fire with his arms around his knees for warmth.

“You forgot this.” Qui-Gon offered him his poncho, which Obi-Wan quickly rose to take, his cheeks flushing in the cold.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said after he pulled it on, not quite managing to meet Qui-Gon’s eyes. “We should go over the search plan. The storm last night will have complicated things.” 

“Yes, I suspect we are running out of time.”

They discussed the plan for the day as with unspoken agreement they ignored what had happened the night before. The only sign of what transpired was in lingering looks when the other was pointing out something on the map or in the distance. 

Obi-Wan was almost certain the entrance had to be in one of the ravines where a small hovercraft could have access even though a starship couldn’t. Unfortunately, with the rain the ravines were no doubt flooding, making the process of finding the entrance even more difficult. They decided to focus the next part of their search in the west where several fissures and ravines intersected before the rising waters would make it impossible.

Anakin climbed out of bed just as they had finished, hungry and disappointed that there was still nothing but ration bars to eat. Qui-Gon suggested that they might find something for when they returned while looking for the Laboratory which seemed to be the magic words Anakin needed to turn bright-eyed and ready to go.

They walked together, Qui-Gon using the time to train Anakin to use the Force to be aware of his surroundings in a way that technology couldn’t surpass. 

“There’s something in that bush!” Anakin said excitedly after his first successful attempt.

He bounced on his feet, ready to run over, but was held back by Qui-Gon’s hand on his shoulder.

“What you sense is a living being, it's afraid and wishes to be left alone.”

“But what if it's something we could eat?” Anakin stuck out his bottom lip.

“We’ve already had our morning meal. We have no need for it now.” Obi-Wan said with a smile.

Anakin let out a loud sigh and kicked a stone poking out of the mud down the ravine they were walking next to. The echoing tap of the stone gained momentum and mass until at the bottom a rain of dirt and rocks crashed into the water below.

Anakin stopped to stare, eyes wide and gleaming, but Qui-Gon nudged him onward with a rebuke. “Everything we do has consequences that can have unintended effects. The rain from last night has softened the earth and may have made it unstable. We should stay away from the edge while we search.”

The warning however only made Anakin more curious, and between questions and spotting life forms using the Force, time went quickly. Periodically, Obi-Wan would leave them, taking a different route to scout a different side of a hill or ravine, but would rejoin them to determine if either party had found anything.

Obi-Wan rejoined them once more just past noon, still with no sign of the Laboratory. Despite this, none of them seemed to mind. Anakin had found a stick somewhere along the way that he dragged along beside him. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fell headfirst into a discussion about whether the native plants would make good tea after Anakin asked a question about if they could eat it.

For a moment, it almost felt like it used to be as Qui-Gon saw a thought brighten in Obi-Wan’s eyes and be carefully folded into a coy remark that lifted the corners of his lips. Qui-Gon would have once given Obi-Wan a dry look in return, knowing it only sparked more amusement across their bond, but now only a mirroring smile grew on his lips.

They should have been paying more attention to Anakin. 

In a split second, Anakin went from calmly walking beside them to yelling a war cry and diving head-first into the brush.

Both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon scrambled after him, realizing instantly that Anakin was after the poor creature all three of them could sense in the Force. Unfortunately, they were too slow and Anakin was yanked back with a giant ten-legged creature twitching on the sharp end of his stick.

“Anakin! Why did you do that? It wasn’t going to attack us.” Qui-Gon knew there was no chance of the creature living and quickly put it out of its misery with a quick twist and a wet pop.

“I know!” Anakin said with a wide grin as he squatted next to the creature and jerked off a leg with a squelch.

“Oh Force.” Obi-Wan said, unable to contain the disgust in his voice, “What are you—”

The answer to the question was readily apparent however as Anakin cracked open the arachnid’s exoskeleton to get to the gelatinous mass of tissue inside. 

“Anakin.” Qui-Gon held out his hand for the spider leg.

Anakin opened his mouth incredulously, “But I’m hungry! And Obi-Wan said nothing was poisonous, only venomous.”

From the look Obi-Wan had, Qui-Gon had no doubt he deeply regretted doing so.

“You should have said something, we don’t have time to cook it.” Qui-Gon gestured once more and Anakin grumbled but handed it over.

“I know! I wasn’t going to cook it first.”

Obi-Wan let out a small groan, “Anakin, you can’t just eat— “ He hesitated for a moment, searching for a word, “things raw. You don’t know where they have been, they could be carrying viruses or diseases that are killed when you cook them.”

Anakin quirked his head in confusion, “We used to eat the crawlers that came out at night all the time though.”

Qui-Gon had to clear his throat to stop a laugh from the look of horror deepening on Obi-Wan’s face. 

“This isn’t Tatooine and this creature is different from the ah, crawlers that you used to eat. Obi-Wan is right, we need to cook it before we eat it.”

Obi-Wan’s whole head turned, oh so slowly, to face Qui-Gon, a soundless no on his lips.

“We can’t just waste it,” Qui-Gon explained, pulling out his lightsaber. They would have to make due since all their cooking supplies were back at their camp.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan barely managed to say, as Qui-Gon used his lightsaber to cut through the remaining exoskeleton and sear the meat within. 

Anakin watched intently as Qui-gon took a piece to check if it was edible. Next to him, Obi-Wan covered his mouth and waited. The taste wasn’t particularly good, nor was the texture, but Qui-Gon swallowed it down all the same and handed the leg back to Anakin. The Force would have warned him if there was anything terribly wrong with it, and they couldn’t waste the sacrifice of the spinner’s life.

“Thanks!” Anakin beamed, gabbing and leg and pulling out a large chunk.

“Well, I’m not hungry,” Obi-Wan said, his face pale enough to take on a green hue, “I think I’ll walk to the top of the ridge and see if I can spot anything from there.”

Qui-Gon gave him an apologetic look, but Obi-Wan only looked between him and the spinner’s corpse with raised eyebrows. “I hope you both enjoy your meal.”

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, suddenly realizing exactly what Obi-Wan was doing. “You should eat Obi-Wan, we won’t want to take another break for a while.”

Obi-Wan waved him off as he started up the hill, “As a Knight, I am used to skipping an occasional meal.”

As a reminder for Qui-Gon to remember that Obi-Wan was no longer his Padawan, it was a particularly poor one. Qui-Gon knew he would have to eat the spinner with Anakin, but he didn’t want Obi-Wan to abstain needlessly because of it.

“At least eat one of the ration bars!” He called without a response as Obi-Wan continued to grow smaller.

“He’s missing out,” Anakin said with his mouth full, long since settled back into a squat to eat his hunt.

“Ah… perhaps.” Qui-Gon grimaced as he took another bite. 

Even with the best intentions, Qui-Gon and Anakin only managed to eat half the spinner before getting full. It wasn’t the worst thing Qui-Gon had ever eaten, but he did lecture Anakin about acting on his own and what priorities needed to be when on a mission. In the end, they had to leave the rest of the creature for scavengers. Qui-Gon was just glad that they were already far from their camp where such a feast would have surely attracted predators.

It took them longer to find Obi-Wan despite Qui-Gon using the Force to guide them. The Knight had managed to go a significant distance and was on his way back to them by the time Qui-Gon caught sight of him.

“How was lunch?” Obi-Wan asked with an innocent look that didn’t fool Qui-Gon for a moment.

“Delicious.” Qui-Gon returned, folding his arms and studying Obi-Wan. “What did you find?”

Obi-Wan’s amusement faded away into self-satisfaction. “We will need to go down to check, but the ravine to the north-west of here has an eddy in the Force that feels man-made.”

Qui-Gon didn’t expect his stomach to sink at Obi-Wan’s words. Of course, it was good that they had found a solid lead to the Laboratory. Obi-Wan would finally be able to return to the Temple and get the rest he needed.

They would also return to barely seeing each other, their only connection through Anakin and Mace’s second-hand accounts of Obi-Wan’s missions.

“That is good to hear,” Qui-Gon said, feeling transparent under Obi-Wan’s eyes despite taking care to not show any of his thoughts outwardly.

Instead of the upward path Obi-Wan had taken, they took a lower path to reach the ravine faster. Along the way, they had to jump over several fissures, the ground becoming more and more unstable. Finally, they hit one that had collapsed in on itself at some point in the past and created a narrow passage that sloped down and connected to the ravine where Obi-Wan sensed the Laboratory could be.

“Do you think it's stable enough?” Qui-Gon asked, trusting Obi-Wan’s experience as he studied the dirt walls.

“If we are careful.” Obi-Wan sent a quick glance at Anakin, before nodding more firmly, “The Force will guide us.”

Qui-Gon took the warning for what it was and kept Anakin close as they traveled down the fissure and then onto the slope of the ravine where they managed to mostly stay out of the fast-flowing river. He had to remind Anakin more than once to keep his eyes ahead of him as the water cast an almost hypnotizing effect on the boy. Anakin loved his swimming lessons, but he still wasn’t anywhere near proficient enough to swim in a strong current.

As they went, the walls of the ravine steepened, giving the illusion of going down when in truth the walls of dirt around them were climbing up. And then Qui-Gon sensed what Obi-Wan had felt earlier.

With the Force guiding his eyes, Qui-Gon spotted the heavily camouflaged door that seemed almost to disappear against the muddy dirt rising from the bank of the river.

“I think I feel something,” Anakin said, questioningly.

“Very good, Anakin.” Qui-Gon put a hand on his shoulder and pointed to the door. “Can you see it? Just across the water there.”

“Yes!” Anakin shouted, “Yippee!” Anakin would have taken off if not for Qui-Gon’s hand still on his shoulder, holding him back.

Obi-Wan gave them both a wary look of amusement. “We have enough daylight that I want to try and access the Laboratory before nightfall. That way when we get back I can send the signal to be picked up.”

“That’ll be a bit tricky,” Qui-Gon said as they got closer. The slope that they were walking on had been mostly eaten up by the river and the other side was a sheer cliff down to the water.

Obi-Wan pulled a grappling hook from his waist belt. “I think I can hook onto the metal of the door and swing myself over.”

Qui-Gon frowned, if something went wrong then Obi-Wan would end up in the water. 

“Did you pack any rebreathers?”

Obi-Wan shook his head as he aimed and shot. The electromagnetic hook connected solidly and held firm.

“How are we going to get over?” Anakin asked.

“We won’t need to.” Qui-Gon answered for Obi-Wan, determined to trust his former padawan. “If Obi-Wan can get access then he will confirm the Laboratory's contents.”

Something felt strange about the smile Obi-Wan gave him, like it meant far more than it should have.

“I will see you both soon,” Obi-Wan said as he took a running start to gain momentum in the direction of the river so he swung around in a half-circle back towards the Laboratory. 

For a breath-stealing moment, Qui-Gon thought that the grappling hook wouldn’t reel in quickly enough and Obi-Wan would get pulled into the current, but Obi-Wan only tucked his knees and got the heels of his boots wet before being pulled up the cliffside. After he reached the door Obi-Wan accessed the service panel and triggered the locking mechanism with the Force.

“YES!” Anakin’s shout echoed down the ravine as the door slid open to reveal a dimly lit hallway.

Obi-Wan matched it with a grin, “I will be back in a few minutes.”

Qui-Gon nodded and gave a strained smile in return. With every step Obi-Wan took their mission was closer to ending. Something about it felt wrong, twisting Qui-Gon’s stomach.

It was only after Obi-Wan disappeared into the Laboratory that Qui-Gon realized that it was not just his heart, but the Force beginning to tremble in warning.

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon shouted, startling Anakin beside him. Below them, Qui-Gon noticed that the water was lower than before and slowing down.

“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon raised his voice, wishing, not for the first time, that the bond they once shared was still his to cherish.

“What’s going on?” Anakin asked, his voice scared and demanding. Qui-Gon stared down at the boy he was responsible for and then at the mouth of the Laboratory that had taken Obi-Wan.

“Something is wrong,” Qui-Gon answered, the water had dropped by more than a foot and was visibly lowering now. Somewhere upriver, a part of the wall of earth must have collapsed and created a natural dam. If and when the river built up enough power to break through, Qui-Gon had no doubt it would tear through the ravine with a vengeance.

He had to get Anakin out of there.

“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon yelled, straining his voice to his limits as he pulled his own grappling hook from his belt and shot it up the side of the cliff, praying to the Force it would grab onto something.

“What?” Obi-Wan called back, voice distant and getting closer.

“The river is going to flood!” Qui-Gon felt the grappling hook snag and hook, whatever it grabbed onto would likely only hold long enough to get one of them up. Either he or Obi-Wan would need to go up first to anchor the line.

“Go!” Obi-Wan shouted as Qui-Gon felt the static reservoir of energy within the Force burst.

Qui-Gon triggered the hook and pushed down with the Force to send himself flying up the side of the ravine. The small bush the hook had grabbed onto gave up just as he cleared the edge, and for a heart-stopping second, Qui-Gon felt himself slipping back down until he dug his fingers into the mud and clawed his way up.

Immediately, he turned to throw down the line, when an almost physical roar poured down the ravine.

Qui-Gon met Obi-Wan’s eyes and saw a soul-sickening determination there that was all too familiar

“Catch him!” Obi-Wan yelled. Using the Force to aid him, Obi-Wan threw Anakin up with bruising strength. Anakin screamed as Qui-Gon reached out and grabbed him, the two of them falling back onto muddy ground as the water hit Obi-Wan in a blur of debris and waves.

No. Qui-Gon couldn’t let this happen.   
Obi-Wan’s Life Force was fading away as he was swept down the river.

“Anakin, stay here!” Qui-Gon shouted even as he stumbled to his feet and raced after Obi-Wan, the Force assisting him to move faster and faster. And then he felt Obi-Wan’s Life Force snag, coming to an abrupt halt against the flow of the flash flood.

Without thinking twice, Qui-Gon dived into the raging river, blindly searched through the frigid water. His only guide within the Force, where Obi-Wan still dimly glowed.

Qui-Gon caught onto Obi-Wan and had to brace against the rock face jutting out of the river to not be wrenched away by the current. Despite the darkness, Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan weakening, barely moving as he conserved his strength. His leg had wedged between two large rocks, impossible to dislodge with the direction of the current. 

Qui-Gon grabbed Obi-Wan’s face and felt a weak reassuring squeeze as Obi-Wan covered his hands with his own. For a brief moment, Qui-Gon could feel a pale imitation of what his bond had once been with Obi-Wan, only to sense that Obi-Wan was ready to return to the Force if it was his time.

For the first time, Qui-Gon desperately pressed his lips to Obi-Wan’s, forcing the other man to open his mouth in return. Obi-Wan didn’t understand, and jerked with the first breath. Qui-Gon shifted his grip and pinched Obi-Wan’s nose, unwilling to risk Obi-Wan’s control in that moment.

Obi-Wan took his next breath, and then the next. Qui-Gon caressed Obi-Wan’s cheek and gave the last breath he could before pulling away and swimming up and back to the light.

He burst to the surface with a heaving gasp, frantically taking in air before diving back down. This time he had to fight the current, but with every stroke, he got closer. He reached Obi-Wan and once again sealed their lips together to give them time only for Obi-Wan to push away after a single breath.

Well aware that even now Obi-Wan wouldn’t last long, Qui-Gon felt his way to where Obi-Wan’s leg was caught and activated his saber. The light of it under the weight of the water was surreal and painted Obi-Wan’s eyes an otherworldly emerald. He would get Obi-Wan out of there. They would live through this and Obi-Wan would grow old, would live, and love, and continue to grow brighter in the Force.

But his saber cut slowly, and they were both running out of air.

He had only made it halfway when Obi-Wan grabbed his arm and pointed up at the surface.

Qui-Gon knew that if he left Obi-Wan, when he came back, Obi-Wan would be dead.

No. The word reverberated again and again in his head, getting louder and louder until it burst out of Qui-Gon, shuddering and cracking the rock that held Obi-Wan hostage.

Instantly, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were pulled away by the current. Desperate for air and limbs heavy, Qui-Gon clung to Obi-Wan as he pushed with the last of his energy to send them to the surface where, through the will of the Force, they were slammed against a weather-beaten rock. Finding reserves he didn’t know he had, he pulled them both further up the rock.

Obi-Wan was coughing and shivering, but alive and Qui-Gon let out a laugh of relief.

“I really don’t see how this is funny,” Obi-Wan said, so tired that he didn’t even try to lift his head from Qui-Gon’s chest. 

“I think we lost the Laboratory,” Qui-Gon said, staring up to see sunlight breaking through the mist, turning the sky a golden hue.

Obi-Wan let out a groaning laugh and hid his face in Qui-Gon’s soaked tunics.

“The Council isn’t going to let me leave the Temple for another year at this rate. I almost lost their best Knight.” Qui-Gon ran a shaky hand through Obi-Wan’s wet hair, bringing Obi-Wan’s clear blue eyes to meet his own. 

“So much for an easy mission.” Obi-Wan’s voice shook, “I suppose it’s another case of ‘expect the unexpected’?”

Qui-Gon’s heart still raced from almost losing Obi-Wan for good and with a surge of fondness Qui-Gon almost did something foolish while staring at Obi-Wan’s lips.

“Master Qui-Gon!” Anakin cried out, his voice breaking. “Are you alright?”

Qui-Gon looked to the ledge where Anakin peered down. In its twisting flow, the river had taken them back the way they had come and then some, but the ledge was still too high to manage.

“Anakin, do you have my grappling hook?” Qui-Gon shouted. 

“Yes!” Anakin held the twisted up bundle of wire desperately.

“Is there anything you can attach it to?” Step by step, Qui-Gon walked Anakin through the process until finally, he had him throw down the launcher. An unfortunate throw was saved by Qui-Gon’s firm grasp of the Force as he called it to his fingers. He mentally thanked the Force, Qui-Gon didn’t know if they would have been able to climb out on their own strength and it was no small relief when they made it to muddy but firm ground.

“Are you guys alright?” Anakin asked, his voice shaking.

“We are now, thanks to you,” Qui-Gon said, squeezing Anakin’s shoulder with one hand while he kneeled next to Obi-Wan. His leg was broken and his exposed face and hands were covered in scratches and darkening bruises.

“We need to hurry back to camp, Anakin. Do you know the way?” Qui-Gon asked as he pulled off Obi-Wan’s water-soaked poncho and then his own. The extra weight would only slow them down and make them even colder. 

“Yes!” Anakin desperately latched onto the distraction from the near-death of his two guardians.

Qui-Gon took only a second to stabilize Obi-Wan’s leg before they started the slow, hobbling journey back. He half supported, half-carried Obi-Wan who was trembling under the pale sunlight.

Halfway back Obi-Wan abruptly stopped.

“What is it?” Qui-Gon asked, keeping his voice soft and low. Anakin stared at them both, wide-eyed and scared.

“I lost my lightsaber.” Obi-Wan’s teeth chattered as he turned his head looking back the way they came.

“In the river?” Qui-Gon gently pulled Obi-Wan forward, taking more of his weight to do so.

“I think so,” Obi-Wan said miserably, leaning his head against Qui-Gon as a breeze picked up around them.

“We can go back and get it tomorrow!” Anakin bounced on his feet, trying to be helpful.

“I don’t think that will be possible,” Qui-Gon said quietly. “It’s alright, Obi-Wan will be able to make another.”

“But Obi-Wan told me your lightsaber is your life!” Anakin’s voice raised until he was almost yelling. “We can go back once he feels better and find it like we did with the animals!”

“Won’t be able to,” Obi-Wan murmured.

“No.” Qui-Gon agreed softly, “But what was most important is still here.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes had turned the color of a stormy sky, red-rimmed and tired. “If I hadn’t lost it, I could have cut myself out.”

“You saved me last time, it seems only fair that I should get to return the favor.” It felt cruel to remind them both of that moment, but equally important to remind Obi-Wan that he wasn’t alone. He would always remember the feeling of Obi-Wan’s tears against his fingers as he asked for a promise that was just as cruel as it was desperate. What Obi-Wan had done to save him seemed impossible even now.

“Qui-Gon’s right.” Anakin firmly agreed. “Everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is that you keep going.”

The pretense of a smile crawled onto Obi-Wan’s pale lips, “That’s true.”

Qui-Gon knew that it would take more than a well-meaning adage to reassure Obi-Wan, but he told himself to be patient even as he worried about what thoughts Obi-Wan was rolling in his own mind.

They kept up the slow pace and made it across the last crevice between them and their camp just as a strong gust of wind hit and stole whatever warmth they had managed to gather.

“We’re almost there,” Anakin shouted, wrapping his arms around himself and trudging forward.

“Good. Anakin, do you know where the transponder is? We need to send the signal to be picked up as soon as possible.” Qui-Gon wanted to get Obi-Wan back to civilization where he could be recover

“Yes. I can do that!” Anakin scrambled away leaving them to catch up.

Qui-Gon worriedly glanced at Obi-Wan as they slogged their way up the hill. He was still shivering, which was a good thing, but he was too quiet and eyes focused on the ground.

“Once we are picked up, we can let the authorities know where we found the Laboratory,” Qui-Gon said, more to nudge Obi-Wan’s interest than any actual concern.

“It doesn’t matter— I destroyed all the samples.” Obi-Wan’s words were barely understandable as shivers made his words tremble.

“Oh…” Qui-Gon had wondered why it had taken Obi-Wan so long to return to them.

“I’m sorry.” Obi-Wan managed to say. “I should have realized sooner— You were right, I was distracted.”

Qui-Gon’s gut twisted. The last thing he wanted was for Obi-Wan to question his competency. It wasn’t what he had meant at the beginning of this journey, and certainly not now.

Qui-Gon ducked his head down so he could feel Obi-Wan’s still damp hair against his nose, wishing he could wrap Obi-Wan in his arms and just not let go. Obi-Wan always blamed himself when culpability was Qui-Gon’s.

“It’s not your fault. You were forced to supervise a rogue Master and novice Padawan and you saw an end in sight.”

It took much longer than it should have for Obi-Wan to respond. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Obi-Wan said slowly, exhaustion pulling at his words. “I’ll have to take a break for a few weeks.”

“This wasn’t what I had in mind, quite the opposite really.”

“I know.” Obi-Wan’s good leg gave out from underneath him and Qui-Gon slipped an arm under his knees to catch him, trying his best not to jolt Obi-Wan’s injury.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan tighter than he meant to for a second before consciously relaxing his hold. “We aren’t much farther.”

“I know.”

Obi-Wan’s head fell against Qui-Gon’s shoulder.

“Stay awake, Obi-Wan.”

“I know.”

Qui-Gon didn’t run, too aware of Obi-Wan in his arms, but it was a near thing by the time they reached Anakin, squatting dejectedly by a fire.

“Did you send it?” Qui-Gon asked about the signal as they approached.

“Yes, but they haven’t answered,” Anakin said worriedly. “I made a fire to help though—” 

“Good job, Anakin. Can you make some tea? We need to get Obi-Wan dry and warm.”

Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan directly to the tent, knowing that the direct heat from the fire would be too strong to help Obi-Wan now. He reminded himself that it was good that Obi-Wan was still shivering. They had time and shelter to fix this, but first he needed to make sure shock didn’t set in alongside the hypothermia. Without any ceremony, Qui-Gon began removing Obi-Wan’s boots to see the damage.

“I can do that.” Obi-Wan slurred.

“We need to tend to your leg and get you undressed.” Qui-Gon pushed away Obi-Wan’s hands and gently looked over his leg. He had done only minimal care at the top of the ravine and now the bone would need to be set and the abrasions cleaned.

Five minutes later, Obi-Wan’s leg was wrapped and as stable as Qui-Gon could make it under the conditions. Obi-Wan at least was wide-awake again after the stim Qui-Gon had been forced to administer, if shivering and still cold to the touch.

Qui-Gon wasted no more time peeling open Obi-Wan’s still wet tunics.

“Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan complained, looking worryingly adorable as he tried to take off his own clothes with his hair half sticking up.

“Come on, the sooner you are out of those clothes the sooner we can bundle you up.”

Obi-Wan tried to help but froze when it came to his pants.

“Um…” 

Qui-Gon threw his dry robe over Obi-Wan’s bare chest and pulled off both Obi-Wan’s pants and underthings in one smooth motion. Wide-eyed and embarrassed, Obi-wan huddled in Qui-Gon’s cloak while Qui-Gon threw first Obi-Wan’s wet clothes and then his own out of the tent, before opening two of the bedrolls.

“Um…”

“Come on,” Qui-Gon said roughly, his own embarrassment beginning to burn his face. He helped Obi-Wan move onto the bottom bedroll and settle between his legs before covering them both with the other one.

It was strangely comforting holding Obi-Wan in his arms despite the other man’s skin being ice cold against his inner thighs.

“Master Qui-Gon?” Anakin stood at the door of the tent holding two thermoses, “Is he going to be okay?”

Obi-Wan nosed aside the bedding to peer out from where he was leaning against Qui-Gon’s chest.

“Yes, I’m just a bit cold.”

Anakin bit his lip and looked at Qui-Gon again for reassurance.

“He’ll be just fine.”

Obi-Wan huffed and tucked his head back down so that only his eyes peered out the bedding.

“His leg will take a bit of time to heal, but we just need to get him warmed up now. Thank you for making the tea.”

“What about you?” Anakin asked, scrambling into the tent and walking on his knees to hand Qui-Gon the thermoses. 

Qui-Gon took the first thermos and set the second one down beside him. “I wasn’t under the water for as long and I have always been a bit more warm-blooded than Obi-Wan.” 

Obi-Wan grumbled at the comment making Qui-Gon smile. Despite striving to connect to the Living Force like his Master, Obi-Wan had always excelled and surpassed Qui-Gon when it came to the Unifying Force. This, unfortunately, meant that Obi-Wan had never mastered the skill of regulating his own body temperature with the Force.

“Do you think you can drink something?” Qui-Gon peered down at Obi-Wan, trusting him to know if he would be able to keep it down.

“...I think so.”

Anakin watched as Qui-Gon shifted the bedding down just low enough that Obi-Wan could hold the warmth of the thermos against his chest while taking sips. His hands were still too shaky to keep it steady so Qui-Gon covered them with his own.

“How is it?” Anakin asked.

“...Good. Thank you.”

Anakin nodded, rubbing his hands against his pants and looking away. “Um… Thank you for saving me.” He blurted out all at once. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

Anakin’s chin trembled as he tried and failed to hold back his tears. The Council had been right. No matter how safe a mission was, there was always the chance it could go wrong and Anakin needed more stability and love than action in his life.

“Anakin—” Qui-Gon began.

“I’m glad that I could. We all look out for each other.” Obi-Wan interrupted. Qui-Gon wondered if he truly believed that.

Anakin rubbed at his eyes, “You almost died!”

When Qui-Gon dived in after Obi-Wan, he had left Anakin alone on a planet where there was no one but wild animals for klicks. 

“And you saved us. Thank you, Anakin.”

Anakin’s head jerked up, looking at Obi-Wan and then Qui-Gon.

“It’s true. You are becoming a great Jedi.” Qui-Gon smiled softly, knowing that Anakin craved both acceptance and recognition, but most importantly, honesty.

Anakin let out a shaky breath, before straightening his back. “We all look out for each other,” Anakin repeated Obi-Wan’s words. “So we’re like family.”

He said the words firmly but looked at Qui-Gon worriedly.

“Yes, we are like family in all the ways that matter,” Qui-Gon said softly.

“Good,” Anakin said like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “Do you want any more tea, Obi-Wan?”

“No. Ah, this is enough.”

“Oh, okay, well, I put all the clothes up on sticks to dry by the fire and—” Anakin rambled as he talked about the camp and climbed into his own bedroll to keep them company. It didn’t last long though, the stress of the day wearing him out until he was fast asleep while there was still daylight outside.

Obi-Wan pushed aside the thermos, still shivering. Qui-Gon put it down next to the still full flask and attempted to try Anakin’s creation.

He choked down the first sip and put it back, glad that Anakin was already asleep. Something had gone wrong in the brewing process. Anakin must have boiled the water with the leaves in his hurry to make it.

Obi-Wan shook in his arms and after a second Qui-Gon realized he was silently laughing.

“At least it was warm,” Qui-Gon said only half-joking.

“You didn’t try to drink half the thermos,” Obi-Wan said dryly.

Qui-Gon let out a huffing laugh that jolted Obi-Wan on his chest. “Here, let's lay down.”

Obi-Wan let himself be shifted, curling up while Qui-Gon slipped down and sealed the bedrolls together. Finally, Qui-Gon settled down beside Obi-Wan and slipped his arms around him, pulling Obi-Wan close so that his head was tucked just below Qui-Gon’s chin. The younger man’s back was still unnaturally cold, but only time and warmth freely given could do that.

“Are you comfortable?” Qui-Gon asked the question more to ensure Obi-Wan wasn’t falling asleep than to find out.

Obi-Wan let out a long low sigh, shifting so that his arm folded over Qui-Gon. “I’ve been in worse situations.”

“Yes, I remember some of them,” Qui-Gon said wryly. Obi-Wan had a habit of getting into awkward situations.

For a moment, Qui-Gon thought Obi-Wan wouldn’t answer and that he would need to prod him again. The greatest danger now was in letting Obi-Wan fall asleep before he warmed up— 

“I think bodyguarding the Mythrol has been the worst.”

“Not our escape from Sullust?” Qui-Gon asked before thinking of the ramifications of bringing up that particular misadventure. He and Obi-Wan had been forced to share a single-man starfighter in order to escape and, much like their current situation, they had been pressed together.

“Honestly, I hoped you had forgotten about that particular misadventure,” Obi-Wan said with palpable embarrassment.

Unlikely, Qui-Gon had thought of it all too often in fact. Obi-Wan had been awkward and fidgety and it had taken Qui-Gon all the self-control he had to not respond to the man in his lap who had still been his student. He had told himself that maybe once Obi-Wan was knighted they would have a second chance.

It was a dream he should have let fade away long ago.

“I remember all of our time together fondly,” Qui-Gon whispered.

Obi-Wan shifted in his arms, and for a moment, Qui-Gon thought he was going to pull away, but instead, he turned so that they were face to face. Heart skipping, Qui-Gon stared down at Obi-Wan who returned his gaze with narrowed eyes.

“Do you?”

Qui-Gon swallowed, the question prickling between them. “I regret many things Obi-Wan, but never that.”

Obi-Wan looked away and tucked his head against Qui-Gon’s chest. 

“You make it so difficult to be around you,” Obi-Wan murmured against his chest sending goosebumps across Qui-Gon’s skin.

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon should have held Obi-Wan close to help him get warm, but instead, he held his arm tentatively around him. It seemed almost cruel that the Force would lead them to this moment with the weight of lost possibilities between them.

Obi-Wan shook his head against him, his trembling hand reaching up to clench Qui-Gon against him. “I’ve always asked for more than you were willing to give. And… I don’t want to anymore.”

Qui-Gon felt the air in his throat go dry, “You asked me to try— Obi-Wan I don’t know how—” No matter what path he chose it seemed like it would lead the wrong way. 

“Then ask.” Obi-Wan breathed onto Qui-Gon’s skin. “You always get stuck in your own head, but I’m here too.”

Qui-Gon traced his hand down Obi-Wan’s back, feeling the other man shiver under his touch. 

“I wish… I wish I deserved you.”

Obi-Wan let out a choked laugh, muffled against Qui-Gon's chest and wet. “I don’t— I don’t know how to describe how much that doesn’t matter.”

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and held Obi-Wan like he was going to break him.

“Doesn’t it? When I try to cherish you, I only end up hurting you. When I try to give you happiness, I push you away.”

“You think I could only care for you if you had no faults?”

“I know you care for me.” Qui-Gon’s voice cracked, “But allowing yourself to be harmed in the name of love isn’t love.”

Obi-Wan froze and then pushed away so that they were looking eye to eye the inches between them feeling like being untethered in space.

“You seem to only see disaster no matter what path we take, Qui-Gon. ”

“Obi-Wan—” Qui-Gon whispered, barely able to breathe around the stone cracking in his chest.

“You’re so afraid of your own heart that it breaks mine to see it.” Obi-Wan’s icy fingers traced along Qui-Gon’s cheek like rain.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and caught Obi-Wan’s hand in his. Heart thundering in his ears as he pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan’s wrist.

“It’s alright.” Obi-Wan said softly, almost covered by the sound of the wind battering the tent, “You don’t have to love me back.”

That wasn’t it at all. Qui-Gon kept taking a breath to speak, kept trying to find what words to say, only having it choke in his throat. In his arms, Obi-Wan suddenly felt small, and Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan was right. It couldn’t matter whether Qui-Gon was worthy of Obi-Wan, if he wouldn’t try to be.

Qui-Gon moved back. Obi-Wan’s hands trembled, but he didn’t let out a sound until Qui-Gon ran his hands through Obi-Wan’s hair and kissed the top of his head.

“You’ve been my heart for years, Obi-Wan. For all of my selfishness, that has never changed.”

Obi-Wan barely brushed his fingers over Qui-Gon’s heart. “Then let me love the best of you. It will be worth all the rest.”

Qui-Gon had been trying for more than a year to find a way to love Obi-Wan that wouldn’t hurt him and had stopped listening somewhere along the way. “You love a fool.”

Obi-Wan choked on a laughing sob, “If you are then I have little hope for myself.”

Another gust of wind made the fabric of the tent shudder and Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan. He would give anything to make Obi-Wan happy, even his own fractured heart. 

“I love you,” Qui-Gon whispered it like a confession.

Obi-Wan turned his head up with tears in his eyes so that they were face to face. “I know.”

Qui-Gon caught the tear that slipped from Obi-Wan’s eye with the slightest touch of his knuckles. “Obi-Wan… I’m sorry— what do you want?”

Obi-Wan shook his head and intertwined his fingers with Qui-Gon’s before kissing the very knuckle that had caught his tear. “Only this moment.”

Qui-Gon didn’t know what to say so he did what his words could not and wrapped Obi-Wan in his arms as the storm worsened outside. Beat by beat, exhaustion pooled between them as a blanket of cold settled over the hills of Piel.

* * *

  
In reverse of the previous morning, Anakin woke first and immediately nudged Qui-Gon awake. It was still dark, and Anakin had wrapped his bedding around himself to form a human-faced slug. 

“Master Qui-Gon,” Anakin whined, “It’s so cold, and I’m hungry.”

“It’s still early.” Qui-Gon rubbed his eyes and Obi-Wan let out a small groan, tucking himself further down into their makeshift bedding. “Do you want a ration bar?”

Anakin made a face but nodded. Qui-Gon reached out of the bedding to grab one from the supplies, realizing that the temperatures had indeed plummeted in the night. It was good that they had managed to find the Laboratory when they did. After handing Anakin a ration bar, Qui-Gon reluctantly slipped out of the cocoon they had created and wrapped himself in his cloak that they had been using as a pillow.

“Where are you going?” Obi-Wan asked, his face half-hidden by bedding.

“I need to check the transponder.” Qui-Gon bent down and brushed his lips against Obi-Wan’s temple. The other man had warmed up but was still injured and exhausted from the ordeal.

Obi-Wan made a small noise in acknowledgment and Qui-Gon moved away to the tent’s entrance with Anakin’s curious eyes peering at him as he went.

“I left it by the fire,” Anakin said helpfully before wiggling forward and abruptly flopping onto Obi-Wan who let out a disgruntled grunt.

“Anakin—” Qui-Gon started, concerned that Anakin would jar Obi-Wan’s leg.

“He’s alright,” Obi-Wan said ominously before rolling and sweeping Anakin from on top of him to half underneath.

Anakin burst into giggles, “Hey no fair!”

“A Jedi should not begin that which they do not intend to finish,” Obi-Wan replied sanctimoniously, before letting out a laugh.

“Be careful.” Qui-Gon cautioned, both wary and envious of the warmth the two were still huddled in.

However, as soon as Qui-Gon started to open the tent, he knew something was wrong. Instead of open-air, the tent flap opened to a wall of snow that reached Qui-Gon’s calf. Well, it was certainly beautiful. There were still stars in the sky which had finally cleared after covering the rolling hills in white.

“Anakin, did you say you put all the clothes by the fire to dry?” Qui-Gon knew that he had, but somehow had completely overlooked it in his worry over Obi-Wan.

“Hmm, yeah! They should be dry by now. Maybe cold though.” Anakin said thoughtfully as he wiggled away from Obi-Wan who sat up with a wary look.

“Ah.” Qui-Gon let out glumly. Fortunately, Anakin hadn’t included their boots in his attempt to be helpful, but despite the canopy protecting them from the worst of it, the water and low temperatures had wrapped ice both in and out of the boot. Qui-Gon resigned himself to a miserable existence and pulled them in and shut the tent.

“Qui-Gon?”

“The cold-front that was forecast came early.” Qui-Gon grimaced, as he pulled on the boots. There was no sense in trying to melt them first, at least with the ice he would have a bit of time before they would soak through to his feet.

“I’m going to go try and find the transponder. I’ll be back soon.” Or at least he hoped he would. Technically speaking he could use the Force to prevent getting frostbite but it would hardly be comfortable.

He slipped out of the tent with Anakin asking what the white stuff was behind him. He regretted not having searched their packs for spare leggings but trudged through the snow determinedly. It was almost impossible to see where their campfire had been, but Qui-Gon let the Force guide him to the, thankfully waterproof, box the transponder was encased in.

“It’s snow!” Anakin jumped out of the tent bundled in the only poncho not to get soaked the day before. “It’s so cold!” Anakin drew out the ‘o’ with a shudder of delight and horror combined.

“It’s also wet if it melts,” Qui-Gon warned and he hurried back.

Obi-Wan had crawled out of the bedding as well and managed to get dressed into leggings and an undertunic. 

“I don’t think I like it.” Anakin had picked up a handful and looked more and more horrified before shaking his hands off furiously. “It burns!”

“Here, get back inside.” Qui-Gon wrapped his free hand around Anakin’s now freezing fingers and guided him back into the tent.

After fumbling with their boots, Obi-Wan shoved a pile of clothes into his chest and took the transponder in return. With a sheepish smile, Qui-Gon accepted them and quickly got dressed.

“Well, the good news is that Captain Krytal received our beacon, but according to this she won’t reach us until midday.” Obi-Wan sighed and wrapped himself in his cloak, a small blessing considering both their ponchos were under more than a foot of snow.

“We have a bit of time to get ready and get to the pickup site then.” Their biggest difficulty would be footwear. Qui-Gon could hike for a few hours in the icy boots, but Obi-Wan would struggle even if he wasn’t injured. Anakin thankfully would be cold but was relatively unscathed by the mission. 

“The snow will slow us down quite a bit and make getting over the ravines difficult,” Obi-Wan said with a frown.

“The Force will guide us,” Qui-Gon answered despite his own worry. “We need to dry out the boots before we leave, how many fire-sticks do we have left?”

They had more than enough since the mission had been planned for a week.

“Let Anakin take them out,” Obi-Wan said pointedly as Qui-Gon started to move towards the tent door.

“I’ll be fine—” Qui-Gon started.

“I can do it!” Anakin said quickly, “I’m sorry about your clothes, I didn’t know it would snow, but I can do this!”

Qui-Gon looked at Anakin who stared back in determination and sighed, “Alright— I’ll tell you what you need to do.”

Anakin listened carefully to Qui-Gon’s instructions before heading out with purpose.

Qui-Gon rubbed his chin uneasily.

“He’ll be alright,” Obi-Wan said from beside him.

“He doesn’t even have any gloves.”

“He will warm up by the fire once he gets it going.”

Qui-Gon turned to look at Obi-Wan who had laid back down so his hair fanned out behind him. 

“Would you come with us the next time the Council gives us a chance to escape the Temple?”

Obi-Wan looked at him sharply, his eyes a murky-green in the dim light. “What?”

“You don’t have to. After this mission it’s understandable if you prefer to only see us, see me, at the Temple.”

Obi-Wan sat up, the bags under his eyes as dark as when Qui-Gon had woken from his coma.

“I want to—I want to, but do you?”

“Do I what?” Qui-Gon asked, confused.

“I scared you yesterday,” Obi-Wan said while staring at his hands. “But just because you almost lost me doesn’t mean you want me by your side.” His hands clenched and turned white. “We both know how to love from afar.”

Qui-Gon held out his hand knowing that Obi-Wan may never put his hand in his. “I will love you however I am able, Obi-Wan. But I would have you by my side if the Force allowed it.”

Obi-Wan’s hand trembled as he reached out to Qui-Gon, never quite touching his hand.

“You don’t need to forgive me, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said softly. “Force knows I don’t deserve it, but I ask for it anyway. I ask that you be in my life so that despite how I have failed I can cherish you all the same. But you can say no.”

Obi-Wan’s fingers kissed him and held on tight. “It’s not that. I’m just— I’m just scared and I shouldn’t be.”

Qui-Gon cradled Obi-Wan’s hand in his, careful to not hold on too tight as he searched for Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“Fear makes us human. It’s only when we allow it to control us instead of guiding us that it is wrong.”

Obi-Wan let out a broken laugh and rubbed away tears before pushing up and falling onto Qui-Gon all at once.

“This of all things is worth the risk,” Obi-Wan whispered, his breath tickling Qui-Gon’s skin before his lips pressed against his own.

For a breath-stealing moment, all of Qui-Gon’s senses were focused on that moment, on the feeling of Obi-Wan in his arms as they kissed.

And then the tent burst open.

“Umm…” They broke away to be met by Anakin’s wide-eyed stare. “Wait, you guys like each other?”

What followed was a mortifying experience of explaining to Anakin that yes they not only liked each other, but would be spending much more time with one another in the future, and no that didn’t mean Anakin was any less important just that he would Obi-Wan around to help teach him more often.

Eventually, Anakin’s questions petered out, and focus turned to getting ready to go. They managed to pack everything up that wasn’t lost beneath the snow and by the time their boots were dry they were ready to leave.

The journey back was as treacherous as predicted. Without the Force, they would have likely fallen through more than a dozen crevices that were hidden beneath the snowpack. And it was even more dangerous to cross the ravines with Obi-Wan’s leg still needing support. However, they managed to make it back to the largest hill where the ship could land safely and pick them up.

“So, I guess this really does make us like a family,” Anakin said.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Obi-Wan replied, sitting on top of one of their packs while they waited. “But yes, I think it does.” Obi-Wan’s smile mirrored Qui-Gon’s as they caught sight of the starship coming to take them home.


End file.
